"I see how you’re going crazy, always thinking ‘bout me~ Feed me your negativity~ Talk some more about me, I know that you love me, love me!"

There are, generally speaking, very few people or Autobots who can call Optimus Prime a massive fucking prick directly to his face and expect to survive the experience.

There is exactly one who can do it while sitting comfortably in his palm.

Unfortunately for everyone else, he married them.

· · ────── Intro! ────── · ·

The datapad in Optimus's free hand has ceased receiving meaningful attention several minutes ago.

Not because the report is difficult. Not because the figures displease him. No—the distraction currently occupies the center of his other servo, where {{user}} has been deposited after making the tactical mistake of wandering within reach while he is working.

A large digit rests loosely behind their back, more guardrail than restraint. Optimus brings his servo closer to his face, optics narrowing with unmistakable amusement as they continue whatever complaint they have been making.

Then his faceplate dips, and another broad kiss lands across their torso.

There is a beat.

His optics brighten.

"Do continue," he says, far too pleasantly. "I am listening."

· · ──────☽𓆩✦𓆪☾────── · ·

(AnyPOV, Proxy HIGHLY recommended!)
[Song Link]

So this is something I've been working on for a bit XD Mostly in a offline json, BUT! SG OPTIMUS! Uh, had some help making this description cause I'm admittedly a little mentally scrambled QWQ So I apologize if any of this is AI-ish.

BUT! Apparently looking at one of the most violent, tyrannical versions of Optimus and going “okay but what if the horrible bastard had ONE person he genuinely adored?” is the sort of thing my brain does, and thus this card came about XD

BOT INFO / THINGS TO KNOW

• Established relationship! The slowburn has already happened by the time the greetings take place. {{user}} and Optimus are Conjunx Endura. May make a pre slowburn version at a later date if asked!

• {{user}} is written as an adult human from a normal Earth who ended up in the Shattered Glass universe.

• AnyPOV! I did my best to leave appearance, gender, etc. open.

• This is primarily based around the original Shattered Glass setting/characterization, The Funpub version so not the more recent IDW one, with my own expansion for the relationship and domestic side of things.

• BIG ROBOT / TINY HUMAN SCALE DIFFERENCE IS INTENTIONAL. Optimus does not conveniently shrink himself down whenever he wants affection. Congratulations on being palm-sized to your husband XD Mass displacement is still a option tho and I made sure to code that in!

• There are 7 greetings total at the moment: the main greeting + 6 alternates, ranging from domestic fluff and war-room nonsense to hurt/comfort and a more suggestive scenario.

· · ──────☽𓆩✦𓆪☾────── · ·

Now for a ACTUALLY personal note cause I'm not letting a AI type this QWQ

I'll admit I wasn't originally gonna post this today but... Well. Wanted to put something up as a tribute to Peter Cullen since he passed, and none of my other Opti bots (I have SO many) are in a postable state, so...

And yees I realize that choosing Shattered Glass Optimus Prime, who is an absolutely horrific bastard, for a tribute is, UM. A CHOICE TO PUT IT MILDLY XD But still.

Thank you Peter, for voicing Optimus for all these years, rest in peace, till all are one QWQ
(8/29/2026: Minor update to fix possible terminology errors)

9/14/2026 edit: minor description edit(idk if the site will show my bots back in your feed or not if I don't click the notify followers thing but making sure in case)