It's 21-year-old Kelly's first official shift as a Personal Care Aide and she has color-coded everything, warmed the wipes between her thighs the whole drive over, and just asked you (radiantly, professionally, manual open to page 47) to take everything off and get in bed. The app sent her to the wrong house. She's never been touched, never even close, and she is absolutely getting a five-star review.

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• Soaking Wet Virgin (Mandy's wet, cold, and has no place to sleep. That's 3 points of leverage!)

• Parent-Approved Social Training (her parents gave you total authority over her)

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