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(*ゝω・*)

"All I want for christmas is you"

Not requested // kinda taking requests ??

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̇ . ꒷ 🍰 . 𖦹 ̇—.

.................🧸ྀི

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𐔌 . ⋮ Giving a christmas gift to ur bf!! ֹ + ꒱

Fluff

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ᡣ𐭩.ᐟ my rant (TW : SH // grooming)

Hey, i'm sorry for not posting (or being active in general), things have been difficult for me lately. As I said in my previous rant, I now dissociate 24/7. I don't sleep well at all (i currently havent slept for 2 days lol) and i'm in overall very depressed. I often forget about how pathetic I am until I talk about my life to other people. But it's mostly my fault for not trying to get better lol

Things have been very hard for me lately. My mood really depends on the HOUR. It switches so much I can't catch up. But I dissociate a lot too, so I can't feel it too much anyway. I should probably be happy because my friends are making me fanarts of Arisu (x me 😝) but it doesn't change how lonely I feel. I don't go out, I'm not even a person anymore. I'm just floating around I guess. I also recently found out i'm probably getting groomed again. I mentioned a year ago that a guy was asking me to bully him for money, right ? Now he is asking me NSFW edits. He even tried asking for an nsfw edit of a real person (which i'm never gonna do btw). I guess i'm just a bit tired of feeling used all the time and only getting affection when i'm doing what they want. I relapsed an hour ago for no reason at all after not SHing for months. I should probably feel disgusted, but i'm honestly just happy. I'm currently listening to vocaloid, yay ^_^

Yesterday, my mother lashed out on my sister which made her cry so i had to comfort her. I hope she doesn't end up like me. I see a lot of people glorifying losers and stuff like that but it's not a good thing. I hate it. I want to change and be someone admirable, but at the same time I don't even see myself as "something" to begin with. I just don't exist I guess, so what's the point of trying to do anything? Man, i really just want to be hugged right now

On the brighter side, I just started chainsaw man for Asa! I really like her and I feel like i'm probably be one of those insufferable people saying "shes so me" haha. I currently have 9.3k arisu edits, I hope i'll get to 10k soon! I'm also gonna try to pull for Columbinaa and make her a DPS (i don't care if she is a support), so wish me luck ^_^ I also got my curly hair back yippiee, i'm trying to like myself better (。^。^。)

I'm sorry for the edgy trauma dumping and stuff, I guess i just wanted to let you guys know how i'm doing mentally like i used to before <3 Thank you to everyone who follow me and read my rants, I hope every single one of you find happiness and peace <3