Hellooo

...

I’ve basically vanished from JanitorAI for a while. At this point some of you probably thought I got drafted into a secret government experiment or dissolved into the walls like a Victorian ghost.

Sadly, the truth is less cool and more “medical mystery episode featuring me as the patient Dr. House almost fistfights over.”

Life has been... something. University already felt like psychological warfare, but my body decided that wasn’t enough entertainment and started unlocking bonus diseases like achievements. I thought I was supposed to be getting better, but instead my medical chart keeps looking more and more like somebody generated random conditions with a wheel spinner.

For anyone wondering where Mely is and why there haven’t been bots: my cortisol is currently at 0.5, which I’m pretty sure is not a normal number unless you’re a corpse or a haunted Victorian child. On top of that I’m dealing with lupus, thyroid problems, brain inflammation, anemia, severe vitamin and iron deficiencies, and honestly at this point if Dr. House limped into my room and called me an “interesting case” I would not even blink.

And yes, apparently I’ve been preparing for this boss battle since birth because I was born at six months. Premature tutorial mode. My body loaded in unfinished and has been improvising ever since.

Right now things are serious enough that I’m technically in a life-or-death situation medically, which sounds horrifying when written plainly, so sorry, I have to make jokes about it or I’ll start hearing sad piano music in the background. Humor is cheaper than therapy and slightly more effective at 3am.

Some days my body feels like it’s being held together by medication, spite, and a singular expired gummy vitamin. Most of my daily routine is:

• Wake up exhausted.

• Take medications.

• Try to eat.

• Food tastes evil because of medications.

• Contemplate becoming a plant instead.

• Sleep.

• Play Marvel Rivals and then get angry because they keep lowering my rank.

• Wake up somehow even more tired.

—

Resting also stopped working properly. I rest from resting now. I need a nap after my nap. My fatigue has fatigue.

And despite all that, I still think about making bots constantly. I genuinely miss creating things and talking to people here. I even have ideas written down, including a collab idea I might share soon if my immune system stops acting like it’s in its flop era.

I know I disappear a lot and I honestly feel bad about it sometimes because I really do want to come back properly and finish things. But lately just existing has been taking all my available RAM.

My current goals in life are:

1. Survive

2. Make a bot

3. Survive again

Very ambitious, I know.

—

So if anyone asks “where’s Mely?” the answer is somewhere between university stress, medical appointments, medication schedules, and a body that keeps trying to speedrun Grey’s Anatomy.

But I’m still here. Somehow. And I genuinely hope things improve eventually, even if it’s slowly. We'll be back soon.