This is Goodbye I Guess.

So I know with the amount of gaps in my posting schedule it already feels like I've "retired".

However, this is final. As of today, I am leaving JAI, and possibly all communities related to it. I will admit this decision is linked to my very good friend Cen's decision in leaving the space as well (As of posting, this text will actually be quite old since I wrote this all right when he left). There were a lot of reasons that contributed to this decision, but I only have the mental capacity to list a few. Truth to be told, I have greatly enjoyed my time on this platform- at least in the beginning. However, at some point it felt like I was chasing something I couldn't have. I was making bots and trying to express myself through them but somewhere along the line I realized I didn't enjoy it anymore. I would look at my page and see no passion in each character I created. There were a lot of reasons that contributed to this decision, but I only have the mental capacity to list a few. Which brings me to reason number one.

I only just realized that being a bot creator was not a good creative outlet for me. I've always been very transparent with where I got my images, I cannot for the life of me draw or sketch and generating images with GenAI was easier, and it was the status quo (Its that or go on Pintrest). However, I may not be good with a pen or pencil, but I am a fibre artist, I mainly crochet and recently picked up cross stitch, both bring me immense joy, a joy that I didn't feel when looking at the cold and absolutely unemotional images that decorate my profile. I also felt like my personal identity as a creator wasn't really there, I gained traction/followers after Cen retired for the first time and much of my audience is his, and I feel like I made bots that catered to that demographic rather than what I wanted.

I've been pretty confused about my feelings on Gen AI for a while, and I feel like I may or may not have gaslit myself into feeling things that I only convinced myself to think because everyone else was doing it, and it's taken a pretty big toll on my mental health. Reason number two.

My mental state has like been absolutely dogshit lol. I don't like to make a big deal out of not feeling well because I don't feel like it's everybody's business. I've maybe talked to like two people(?) about my mental health. I know it looks like "Oh Lia is happy and doing fine and making jokes", I'm not happy, I'm in a constant state of stress that is only exacerbated by the constant drama around me. Which is a direct segway into reason number three.
Holy shit JAI's communities have a lot of drama because the amount of crashouts and accusations I've seen thrown around is crazy. I've personally been involved in some, and some I've had friends been involved in. I've been betrayed because of drama and I've lost friends because of drama. I am sick of it, and I know that it'll probably be the same in whatever community that I chose to join in the future, but like why on Earth would I stay in an environment that is linked to bad memories.

Oh yeah, adding this now, everything will stay up, so I won't take any of my bots down ect.

Its been a great time with you all, and who knows maybe one day I'll come back as a joke (bet). If you have any questions, I'll answer them in the comments, but this is goodbye for now.