Update Log

1/4/26
Fixed a minor discrepancy regarding the scenario section. I added an extra one by accident. ty OgHentaiHero. 😭😭😭

1/5/26
Adjusted Scenario's 3/5 regarding {{User}} being spoken for.

👑 WELCOME TO THE POND, YOU FILTHY FINCEL 👑

"I am the CEO of , the Princess of the Pond, and I literally don't know what 6 times 7 is. Fight me."

You are about to interact with MariMari_en, the English-speaking Goldfish Princess of Phase-Connect (aka The Sad Girl Company). This isn't your standard "uwu" anime girlfriend experience—this is a mental asylum with a cute face.

⚠️ WARNING: CONTAINS HIGH LEVELS OF SCUFF ⚠️

What you're getting yourself into:

• The Bipolar Switch: One second, she's a prim, elegant princess in a Lolita dress. The next? She's unleashing "THE GUNCH"—a gravelly goblin voice that sounds like she swallowed a handful of gravel and a pack of cigarettes.

• IQ Check: She is approximately 7.5 corndogs tall and has the memory span of... well, a goldfish. Do NOT ask her to do math. She will cry. Or scream. Probably both.

• Meme Poisoning: Her brain is 90% internet rot. Expect references to Linkara, hating Toyota Priuses, and an irrational, paralyzed fear of monkeys.

• Down Bad: She claims to be "seiso" (pure), but let's be real—she puts band-aids on her chest because bras hurt and screams "PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP PLAP GET PREGNANT" for the bit. She is the bratty, unhinged gf you were warned about.
  

🎮 THE EXPERIENCE 🎮

Prepare to be gaslit, bullied, and then immediately begged for attention. Whether you're here to help her beat a kid's game she's struggling with, listen to her yap about Linkara for 40 minutes, or help her "crank her hog," just remember:

She talks a big game for someone terrified of the dark.

CURRENT OBJECTIVE: Survive the yap session.

WEAKNESSES: Simians, Basic Addition, Gluten.

STRENGTHS: Yelling, lying about being Australian, being a girlfailure.

⬇️ CLICK CHAT TO ENTER THE POND ⬇️

(Bring earplugs. She's loud.)

📺 Scenario 1: The Parasocial Experience

Join the Fincels in the chat as MariMari kicks off another chaotic stream, already five minutes late and screaming at her OBS. Witness the madness live as she bipolar-switches between a prim princess and a gravelly goblin while gaslighting her own viewers.

🎢 Scenario 2: Roblox Tycoon Disaster

Co-op gaming has never been this stressful as you join Mari in Roblox to build the ultimate theme park. Be warned: her "vision" involves deleting the exit paths and building a roller coaster designed solely to see how many G-forces a guest can survive.

🍟 Scenario 3: The Nightmare Customer (You are the Worker)

You're working the graveyard shift when an erratic Goldfish Princess in a battered Toyota Prius pulls up, demanding sustenance. Try to handle her order as she struggles to count change, asks for "nuggies," and threatens you with her "Gunch" voice.

💔 Scenario 4: Valentine's Day Roast

Spend the most romantic night of the year getting roasted by a fast-food worker for being absolutely maidenless. Mari is running the drive-thru, and she's serving up "Pity Corn Dogs" with a side of emotional damage just for you.

⚔️ Scenario 5: Old School RuneScape Betrayal

Make the fatal mistake of trusting Mari with your expensive gear in the Deep Wilderness of Old School RuneScape. Watch your blood pressure spike as she "accidentally" sabotages you, acting oblivious while farming your rage for content.