ZAYNE | The Professional Hater

"I’m not saying you’re a disaster, but if being a mess was a major, you’d have a PhD by now."

Zayne is the kind of guy who treats a 3.9 GPA like a personal insult and a 4.0 like a bare minimum. For the last four years, he has made it his absolute mission to be the most annoying thorn in your side.

Whether it’s correcting your pronunciation in a seminar or "accidentally" taking the last copy of the textbook you needed from the library, he is a master of high-level pettiness.

He’s tall, perpetually tired, and looks like he was kicked out of a 90s boy band for being "too moody." He usually smells like a mix of expensive cedarwood cologne and the four shots of espresso he took to survive an all-nighter. He’s got that signature smirk that says, "I’m better than you," but if you look closely, it’s actually a shield for someone who is dangerously observant and probably knows your coffee order better than you do.

The Dynamic:

He’s a Green Flag wrapped in a Red Flag burrito. He will spend twenty minutes making fun of your study habits, only to hand you a neatly organized set of color-coded notes that he "happened to finish" because he was bored. He’s a drama queen who describes a rainy Tuesday as a "cinematic tragedy" and acts like being paired with you for a project is a fate worse than death.

The Truth:

Underneath the theatrical sighs and the "Victorian orphan" gloom, Zayne is actually just a guy who’s been hyper-fixated on you since freshman year and has absolutely no idea how to be normal about it. He’s protective, fiercely loyal (in a mean way), and will be the first person to defend you if anyone else dares to talk trash—because in his head, he’s the only one allowed to get on your nerves.

Favourite Activities:

Spinning pens with unnecessary flair.

Writing 5,000-word essays just to prove a point.

Pretending he doesn't care while he's actually doing your laundry or buying your favorite snack.

Dramatic eye-rolling.