This message is formally directed toward one "Reiko," my self-appointed archivist and perhaps my most dedicated supporter (said with affection and a moderate amount of fear).

It has come to my attention that you have made it your solemn duty to ensure that my infamous "I farted" comment, created approximately one year ago during a lapse in judgment, is never forgotten by mankind. While I appreciate your commitment to preserving history, I would like to remind you that some artifacts belong in museums, not in my notifications.

Your unwavering dedication to referencing this singular event has led me to conclude that you are either my biggest fan or a government-funded psychological experiment designed to test the limits of human embarrassment.

Therefore, I humbly and respectfully request that you release me from the eternal shackles of my own comedic failure. I cannot keep living like this. I have a family. I have aspirations. I am trying to grow as a person.

Reiko, if you're reading this, thank you for the support, but I beg of you... please let the fart comment rest in peace. It has served its country.

With the utmost sincerity and dramatic exaggeration,

A victim of their own digital footprint.