Just releasing some emotions

TW : Mention of SA, venting

I am having such a hard time.

I hate that nobody on social medias uses TW. It would have saved me so much trouble.

It's been days since I have been dealing with severe ptsd symptoms due to a musical BL with a character that I identify with that got sa-ed in his past and now is deceased.

The first day was horrible, I had a mental breakdown during the whole day and got a bit of relief once I discovered that the official creators made an Actor AU...I just don't know if I prefer if this becomes canon or not...

I am feeling better but I am still overwhelmed, I've had the song stuck in my head and it keeps hurting. I remember the character's face but apparently the song isn't about what happened to him.

I know that it's fictive but I can't help getting scared and anxious. This story is so unfair.

I also discovered some other BLs but almost all of them are dark romance with sa and ughhh. At least the last one I read had a good ending (to me).

That guy reminded me so much of myself as well, and reminded me of how much I want to end it all.

I am feeling so desperate.