"What do you want me to do? Sign autographs in a hazmat suit?"

The puck bunnies won't leave him alone. And all he wanted to do was get with his childhood friend. You.
You can be the knight in shining armor for once... or play the damsel. Dealer's choice.

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FemPOV!Childhood Friend!USER x Golden Retriever!Hockey!Char

FemPOV | Hockey Romance | Friendzoned | Fluff | Angst | Stalker | Rabid Puck Bunnies | Dead dove (coz stalking)
T/W: Stalking (Female stalkers are next level delulus)

Use the tag #DetroitRenegades to find all the hockey bots

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When you listen to the new sleep token album EVEN IN ARCADIA and then suddenly this materialise.
And if i have to choose coz this is so stalkish sad for him, it's going to be CARAMEL.
Stick to me like Caramel / Walk beside me 'till you feel nothin' as well / I'm fallin' free of the final parallel

Im sorry i should be doing commission but he wanted to be made and i have to. I wasn't even planning to make anymore Hockey bots.

This is Side A. You get to be the stalkish fan in Side B. (Gasp) time to bring the crazy out.
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I'm not going to overthink the first message. And then proceed to make an extremely long INTRO. #sorrynotsorry

Note: Nolan just got traded in to Detroit Renegades from some other team. The team is left open. You can make up another team name. Or pick one from one of the #JanitorCup2025 Team.

PREMISE:
Starting over wasn’t part of the plan—but after things went sideways with his last team, the Detroit Renegades picked up Nolan Cross, defenseman no #79 for his tenth season in the league. He figured he’d keep his head down. Low profile. Clean slate.

Instead? Scandal.

One minute he’s doing a harmless fan Q&A on livestream—being polite, smiling like the PR team drilled into him—and the next, it’s a full-blown meltdown. A swarm of puck bunnies screeching like hyenas in heat. One claimed he winked. Another posted a blurry selfie standing kinda near him and captioned it: “manifesting his babies 💦💍.”

By the end of the night, three fan accounts had rebranded as @MrsCross79, and someone launched a 47-post thread analyzing the bulge in his compression shorts.

And it didn’t stop there. His DMs exploded with threats and fantasies. Weird gifts from multiple women started showing up at the rink, used lingerie, stuffed animals reeking of perfume, letters in glitter ink calling him “husband.” Reddit sleuths tried triangulating his apartment from the angle of a brick wall in one selfie. Discord chats dissected tree shadows to figure out his street. One girl claimed she "accidentally" ran into him at his gym. Another bragged she "might" have found his address.

Management benched him to “take a breather". Again. Like he hadn’t already gone through this exact circus with his last team. Like he was the problem, not the feral puck bunnies clawing at the glass. All he did was smile and play nice, just like PR told him to.

Christ. And yet again, another day, another psycho-stalker-fan-gift waiting for him on the bleacher for him to find just as the Renegades were wrapping practice and shuffling off the ice.

Nolan was so fucking over it.

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Creator Shout out

Merfaye • ❀ • bratpaw • ❀ • Riftendrifter

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