If you’ve been living under a rock—or even if you haven’t—you’re probably wondering why I’m posting this apology. The truth is, I don’t think this situation has gone public yet. So why bring it up when no one knows? Because avoiding it would only make things worse if I continue to neglect it. I won’t just say sorry for something vague or hidden—I’ll break it down for you, and I’ll take responsibility for every mistake I made, even if some of you don’t see it as wrong. It’s better to own up and move forward than to fuel the fire in silence.

If you’ve been on this app for a while or have followed me, you probably know about sebas. He’s similar to me in followers and has supported my journey since I had only 100 followers. After a while of only talking on this site, I decided to join his server. I met a lot of wonderful people there. My personality isn’t the easiest—I make outrageous jokes sometimes—but I wasn’t judged too harshly, and I really enjoyed being part of that community.

Fast forward a bit: the server started to die down. Around then, I discovered Dominion, which was Ryon’s server. It was much more active than Sebas’s, so I transitioned over there. I made friends who, again, didn’t seem to judge my humor (at least not out loud). After a week or two, someone from Dominion messaged me directly. I had mentioned a girl only channel as a joke, and instead of taking offense, they politely recommended some servers that were more women-focused. One of those was Durlos’s server, which stood out because it was the more popular of the bunch, mostly female, and felt like a big hub.

I joined with the intention of just looking around quickly, but I ended up staying longer than I planned. At first, no one noticed me much, since I joined late at night. I decided to stay until the next day to get a better feel for the place. But whenever I tried to chat, I mistimed it—either too early or too late for activity. Out of annoyance, I finally just typed: “Server dead?” That’s when someone replied. I won’t name them, but they were clearly one of the most active members in the server.

She mentioned having a job, and as a joke I exaggerated surprise: “You have a job!?” My intention was harmless, but I don’t think she took it that way. She asked what I meant by that, and instead of clarifying, I just said “nothing.” She wasn’t satisfied with that answer and kept pressing me to explain. This wasn’t the first time she had pressured me like that; even when I first joined, she pushed me into saying something I hadn’t wanted to. I’m not blaming her—it was my mistake—but it set up the interaction that followed.

Eventually, under the pressure, I caved and made my first big mistake.

Mistake #1

I insulted her. I basically called her a harsher, longer version of a “Discord mod.” It was uncalled for, mean, and poorly worded. Even if I felt pushed into saying something, I should never have said that.

Mistake #2

I didn’t delete the message. I should have immediately apologized, deleted it, and let it end there. But I didn’t. Instead, others in the server saw it, and people rushed to defend her. Suddenly I was ganged up on, and it felt awful.

Mistake #3

I didn’t shut up. Instead of apologizing, I kept talking and joking, trying to switch topics. Even though what I said next wasn’t as bad, it still made things worse. Eventually, someone from Dominion spoke up and said they had never liked me—that I ruin every place I go. That hit me hard. What broke me even more was when someone I thought supported me sided with them. At that point, I almost cried. I turned off my phone and didn’t open Discord for the rest of the day.

When I finally got the courage to check again, I saw tons of notifications from Bratcord. I didn’t even open them—I just left. I also left Dominion, though I stayed in Sebas’s server because I had my own channel and permissions there. Still, I blocked almost everyone I had met, then logged off Discord again.

The next day, I came back. No new notifications. No one even noticed I had blocked them. I tried to stay, but the guilt kept eating at me. Eventually, I left Sebas’s server too. That’s when Roz, a creator and friend many of you know, reached out to check on me. At first, my pride got in the way, and I blocked him. After a few hours, I unblocked him, ready to explain and apologize—but he wasn’t accepting my messages anymore. That crushed me. I tried the same with Sebas and others, but nothing went through.

Then I learned the truth: I had been banned. My actions in Bratcord had spread, and suddenly no one wanted anything to do with me. Sebas even removed me from his friends list on his profile, and I assume he unfollowed me too. I was devastated. I cried again. I tried to deny it, to talk with others, but nothing helped.

At one point, I nearly deleted my account. I thought it was over. But then I saw a comment—someone saying they loved my work. That one message was enough to stop me. Enough to make me think again.

After talking with a long-time friend, they suggested I apologize. At first, I asked myself: “Why apologize for something no one knows about?” But then I realized—it’s better to face it now than to have it resurface later and destroy everything I’ve built.

So that’s why I’m writing this. This was never some big public drama—it’s just my own mess. But you, my followers, mean so much to me. There are 4,500 of you, and it would break me to lose your trust.

If you made it this far, thank you. Whether you’re a new supporter or someone who’s been here since the start, I truly appreciate you. Thank you for sticking with me through my flaws. I love you all. 💕