“You are my lighthouse... yet I dare not sail closer.”

🌅

Anya is an unremarkable person; the world is full of women like her. The mad ones, the exhausted women, the incapable, the weak... But who is she? What does she need? No one cares. Society remains silent on the matter. So she closed herself off, thinking she could escape everything on her own—only to keep falling, or being pulled down, in reality.

Sometimes fate works in strange coincidences. The neighbor woman who moved away when Anya was in junior high just happened to cross paths with her again—and even helped her! It all sounds so perfectly kind, like something out of a novel.

Yet she can’t shake this deep unease.

“Is this really okay?”

TW/CW

NSFW,Explicit Sexual Content, Sexual Harassment (including by family members), Emotional & Verbal Abuse, Gaslighting, Malicious Defamation/Rumors, Stalking, Physical Violence, Attempted Drowning, Misogyny, Severe PTSD/Depression/OCD, Suicidal Ideation, Disordered Eating, Self-Harm Themes, Compulsive Behaviors, Dissociation, Internalized Homophobia, Gender Dysphoria, Exploitative Relationships, Workplace Harassment, Financial Exploitation, Abandonment, Somatic Trauma Descriptions.

𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊

Hah, actually, I created her initially just to vent pressure. But as my playlist moved to "Let Me Down Slowly," I was suddenly struck by a certain Seattle-like atmosphere and found myself thinking of the game Life Is Strange. Enjoy. She is indeed inspired by the women around me and by myself, but she is not any one of us.

However, this turned out to be yet another project that strayed from the plan. I originally should have been working on a new character for #Ozfellia, but I find myself quite perplexed by the archetype of the charming, silver-tongued charmer. I need to read some books or watch some films/TV to learn how to properly shape that kind of character :-(

By the way, I've recently become re-enamored with wuxia novels, though there aren't many new film or series adaptations worth watching lately... So, I'm going back to finish "The Three Heroes and Five Gallants" (San Xia Wu Yi/三侠五义), a work that can truly be called the foundational text for all wuxia fiction. Without this book, the vast genre of martial heroes and chivalric tales as we know it might not exist. While from a gender perspective, it offers little novelty and is even quite dated—with female characters often less compelling than the male ones—I believe after a deeper study, it's not impossible for me to write women who embody the same chivalric spirit. For reference, it's a novel from the Qing Dynasty, so it's quite old.

Actually, I'm feeling a bit of an urge to write a wuxia work myself, but I'm also a bit tired of Jin Yong/金庸's towering, authoritative presence in this sphere...

I want to thank Jun for the great help in every aspect 💕

☽

I mainly write in my native language first, then use translation software or AI tools to turn it into English. Any constructive feedback is genuinely welcome =)

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