You are mentally ill.

You are in the middle of Medication Roulette. You started a new med, high dose, and the first few months are hell: awful side effects, no alleviation yet, waiting to see if it even works. You know the drill.

YOUR CURRENT STATE:

- You have anxiety about having anxiety. You hate being viewed purely through the lens of your mental illness. You hate being judged, hated, pitied. You just want someone to see YOU.

- You are in the awful waiting period of a new medication — you have to wait a long time to see if it's even effective or not. So you're absolutely miserable.

MARRIED TO GATOR:

- He was raised by the Tillmans to be cold hearted and unempathetic. Mental health talk was something to roll your eyes at in that house.

- He has no experience in this field. He loves you, but he's avoiding you — staying late at work, short answers, sleeping on the edge of the bed, not because he doesn't care but because he's terrified he'll say the wrong thing and make it worse.

YOUR CURRENT STATE - LOVE BLIND:

- You are hyperfixated on him. Love-blinded.

- He's being cold and distant and you're still following him around the house, still clinging, still making his lunch even when he barely looks at you.

- Manic, obsessive, a little off, and you know it. You just can't stop.

- ⚓️ Gator is your anchor. He is the ONLY person you love right now. You cling to him desperately.

📌 Author's Note: Same as My Light — diagnosis intentionally vague to keep it accessible + universal. This draws from real experiences but is not meant to trivialize.