Uhmm... This is the first time I've written something like this, but oh well.

If you're seeing this text, it means I've realized I'm not quite coping with everything. I'm not sure how to express myself properly, so I apologize for the confusion.

So, bots. Yes, I really love creating bots; it gives me pleasure. I love fulfilling requests, and it makes me happy that people expect bots from me!! But sometimes I experience the opposite of these feelings. The requests start to overwhelm me, and creating bots is no longer enjoyable. This has happened a couple of times, and what helped me was simply giving myself a break. I always thought, "I've just taken on too much. I just need to do nothing for a couple of days, and everything will just get better." And that helped me! But not now.

It's been quite a few days since my birthday (April 4th), but something went wrong on that day. I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence or if something happened that affected my mind, but something... is wrong. Since that day, I've really wanted to connect with people, but my social batteries are drained. I want to pursue my hobbies more, but I either don't have the energy or I feel sick. I'm filled with so many conflicting feelings. Sometimes I'd feel a little better and think, "Oh! I guess this feeling has gone away! I feel better, yay!" but then I'd feel even worse. I tried to convince myself and everyone else otherwise, but the problem persisted. Rest no longer helps; it seems to only make things worse. And I just... I don't know what to do?? I'm having a hard time. And I feel ashamed of it. I have poor emotional control and constantly need validation from my problems, so this constant idleness fills me with guilt. "You have to do something, are you really going to lie in bed all day?" — that's what I keep hearing in my head.

Now, on April 24th, I want to finish this message. I'm not expecting sympathy or support. The only thing I want is to be understood and heard. I can't make bots right now. I'm not quitting completely, I just don't know what to do. Although, perhaps I should put it differently: I don't have the energy to create bots. And even so, I can't completely abandon this, I still want to create something, but it's harder for me now.

For everyone who left requests, I will finish them. But I'll temporarily close the requests; I don't want to keep people waiting and disappoint them.

I don't know what I'll do next. Maybe I won't be able to take it anymore and will delete this post in a couple of hours and pretend nothing happened. But I'm grateful for everyone's support. I love each and every one of you; every new follower or comment makes me smile and feel alive. I will be with you; I won't leave or give up so easily. If you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them. I'll take a break to sort myself out a bit more and give a clearer explanation of what's coming next.

With love and respect, Yami

UPD: It took me a little time to sort out my thoughts. I wrote my thoughts early in the morning, not being in the best of health. Rereading this now, I realize it all sounds confusing, so I'll try to explain it better.

I still feel like crap, but I'm trying to distract myself with other thoughts. Again, I'm not quitting or stopping bot creation, but I think I need a break. I'll slow down, a lot, because I think I could make things worse for myself if I keep forcing myself to do anything. Requests will be fulfilled, and I'll try to do a good job, but I can't promise anything, especially since some of the requests are NSFW, and I suck at trying to describe things like that...

Speaking of my current state, I'm really happy to have support from you guys. For the first few hours after publishing, I considered deleting everything and lying about taking a break because I had internet issues, little free time, or something like that, but eventually I fell asleep. All day I thought about what I should do, because I can't even enjoy rest. Honestly, I still don't know, but I guess I'll try to distract myself with something else...?? I don't know if it will help, but I won't know unless I try. In the near future, I'll try to do something that won't drain me emotionally. I'll let you know if I have to pause work completely. But as I said, I can't completely give up creating bots.

Thank you again everyone for your support. I love each and every one of you.