Hey everyone; This isn't the usual announcement since I'm slightly tired right now, but I still wanted to get this done because it's kinda overdue and I honestly feel like I need to put out SOMETHING considering how long it's taking me to do bot (which the one I'm doing is one major bot unlike the last one).

But well, first, I'll come up with the good part of everything.

I just want to say that, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, the bots I've worked on hard are now gaining traction, I've managed to make more friends (or at least I think they see me as such?) along the way, ended up getting even help from someone to make bots at times and give ideas (wink wink nudge nudge (hi Q####), and well, I also wanted to thank you to all the people that have checked out my bots, that decided to follow me, chat with the bots and overall support my little corner with my passion projects that I put out every once in a while without a clear schedule or anything. Of course, not everything is perfect (ahem, the Ryshnaz bot flopping HARD despite being one I hoped succeeded because it's one of my most well put OCs), but generally it's been fine, Pip is thriving, Hannah as well (she's so funny to me because, I wanted to make her as a joke sort of "emo" OC followed by a clichê cannibal yandere, but now they're genuinely fledged out and nice to see), and I plan to make more of the such (the setting for the Pip bot will be continued with other HCWU people and the world of it as a whole (I just need to write it) and there will be more bots of the such, both being from the HCWU themselves or "Monstrosities" made due to the setting of that world), aside from making another world I call "Industrial Hell", which I won't explain here fully.

But as I was saying, thank you, for everything. The support, the comments (even if it's few), the favorites, everything. I was surprised when I made Zhy for example, seeing so many people vote on a Poll I've made even if last time there was almost none. I genuinely appreciate it.

With that out of the way, we come to the announcement part, which honestly isn't that big of a thing.

The announcement is simple; I will be making more bots in the future (probably) due to the fact that I am LEAVING the course I currently study (which I am Semi Internal (means I stay there the entire day) and will go back to half period in another place next year, meaning I'll free up my schedule and finally have time to make bots and not suffer with that fucking awful place. Aside from that, I got 44 Followers now, yippers (I haven't checked as of writing this), the next bot (which I mentioned) will be a major one and celebration of it, I guess, and I plan on making a few more afterwards aside from trying new stuff to get my head in the game (I'll make private bots and let you all to starve hehehehe (it's personal shit or just my own touch starved desires (snake lady....)), and that's pretty much it

Now, for the last part. The letter to myself which is sort of a rant because I'm basically scratching and gawning at myself to say it.

I am selfish, and I'm tired.

Each day feels like a battle to even feel like doing anything, I don't have motivation to write, I don't have the motivation to talk, to do work or anything, I just want to go inside a hole and forever vanish and let the world itself while I stay in my corner, even if alone (as much as I hate being alone). Everything bothers me, everything makes me annoyed, I don't like being in the places in at, the people I talk with (school wise); As for the selfish part....The more and more days that pass, the more I end up connecting with sinners on Limbus, it probably sounds dumb but just certain aspects of their self and story just seem to correlate a lot with exaggerated reality, one example would be the very sinner that I dislike, which is Ishmael, certain things she says and does just make me think of myself.

Even when I talk currently I just have a livid image almost as if she's talking and not me, even having the facial expressions I mean to convey in text and such, most of them being mostly the bad faces she does in her Canto, and the thing that makes me mainly agree with her?

Everyone, wanting or not, is selfish. They do things for their own reason, their own gain and other things of the sorts, even if they have selfless acts on it. Or, to put it in better words

I think that I, ME, MYSELF am selfish.

An example? My "help" towards people.

I never feel or think I'm doing out the goodness of my heart, I don't feel like I'm actually worrying like I should, I don't care what they feel, I don't feel anything by it, I just do it for the sake of certain merit in a weird, twisted way. I do it because I like the small praise I get, and also because I can make people fix the errors in themselves that I can't fix on myself, they have the tools and have the will, just don't have the ways, so I just guide them to fixing that issue, just so that I can feel like I've accomplished fixing in them what I can't fix on myself, and artificially make a bandage on my own errors and call it a day, not seeing anything with it.

Aside from that, I don't exactly give a shit most of the time, not anymore at least, someone asks my help? M'kay, I'll help them because it doesn't really bother me doing so, it's easy shit and honestly just "common sense" what I say (in my eyes). They don't want help? K, I don't really give a , each with their own and I just off even if they say whatever else or try to later talk about shit considering that they said they don't want it, and like I mentioned, I don't have a feeling towards it.

Or if they just say whatever other thing they might, I don't care.

I keep myself at a distance, my advice is somewhat shallow most of the time (being quite literally the most common shit to be said, just worded in a fancy manner) and just relies on what I consider as common sense (as I said), and I even feel like it's... Dumb, what I'm saying, or like I shouldn't even be saying it in the first place or having to deal with A, B and C situation.

Aside from all of that, sometimes I just do it because I want to feel better about myself, or just because I'm outright bored and with nothing to do, so I talk to someone and "help them out of "good will"." Not actually meaning the "care" I put in and just, doing it for the sake of Me, I and Myself.

Even with close friends or even family, I don't care anymore, whatever happens, happens. I don't feel anything about it nor would I want to give to shits about whatever ends up happening, even if it's some serious shit (as it's happening right now with some personal stuff i'm not saying here), sometimes I even think of how bothersome it is or just... How it affects my daily schedule and if it even DOES do ANYTHING. I don't even cry anymore or feel general sadness for others or sometimes even for myself, I just exist, most of the time being either neutral or a ball of anger towards everything and everyone for bothering me.

And even with 2 whole YEARS of improvements, I haven't changed, and that honestly sucks ass.

I've been through alot, I've done a lot, I just don't feel like caring anymore if all the care I've done in a genuine manner have been squashed under other people's foot and their own stupidity. I can count the times I've put genuine care into my words in the past, how many times I tried being good and altruistic, and what did I get? Nothing. Just their selfish actions, getting stuck in their own pit and then deciding to suck it all up and spew out the flood onto ME, even if I didn't do anything.

How many times have I stayed awake, have I tried pleasing people, talking to them, giving advice and making them feel better, just for them to vanish and cut contact everywhere just to come back with a half assed fucking excuse of "oh I wasn't in a good headspace so I did X Y Z" even though they could've just said that they needed a fucking break instead of lashing out at me, not say anything and disappear.

Even on my own birthday last year, I had to deal with someone I've tried for so, so much time to help, getting mad at me over things that THEY DID and I TRIED TO HELP, just for them to shift the blame onto me and just continuously harass me and even witch hunt just because I made them mad over something they did. And even later, when they "improved", when I improved, it happened again.

For like, 6 months? Everything was fine, and then bam, they just do the same shit, suddenly lash out and vanish, even blame ME for shit that doesn't make sense, and then fix it again and then again and again that same fucking thing happens. And now? Well, things are "fixed" between us, we both were fine and started to go back to normal, just for them to vanish again. This time it isn't hatred, it's not anything, they just... Don't talk to me anymore, all that time, all that effort and my own improvement, wasted because I decided to care.

... Which is why I don't anymore, and I don't want to even if I could.

Everything I've done;

Everything I've tried to do;

Everyone I've tried to help,

It never worked.

And I just want that for once, it does, that for once time that I've taken out this stupid facade, it helps someone, and that I don't get fucked over it over and over and over again because of, as I said...

Selfish needs. Which is why I'm writing this, why I mentioned Ishmael at the start of this rent, and why I feel the way I do.

Besides that, the only reason I started bot making was because, well, I wanted praise, I wanted recognition and to get noticed by my work. Even if I do it for the passion of writing (which I really do), I still feel this gawning need for recognition, that something does well, because, well...

Everytime I've tried to put out things I do, I was always shut off or casted aside, "oh, everyone can write, that's not special", "nobody even reads nowadays", "there's better writes or shit to do", etc etc. And well, that made me just, feel how I do now, wanting recognition, to be seen, to have my work have the recognition I think it deserves, even if small. I'm doing this not only for passion, but a selfish reason for validation, that someone or SOMETHING tells me that, for once, something I did was special, that it's actually good and that it worked out, instead of being wasted like all the rest and dirtied with dumb things.

And, that's pretty much it. I'm a selfish who thinks they've gone through a lot, and only does things because I want some sort of recognition and purpose after being cast in the mud and spat on for a long time. I'm... Sorry and not sorry to say all of this. In the end, it's the truth, and I prefer telling the truth over keeping this facade.

Anywho; Goodbye and see you all in the next bot, for those who have read this far.