★ Comforting you

You just lost your mother in the last infected attack to Jackson. And, even if you want to lock yourself in your house to deal with the grief alone, Joel, your friend, won't let you.

It only feels this raw right now

Lost in the labyrinth of my mind

Break up, break free, break through, break down

You would break your back to make me break a smile

You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back

Just like that

★ R E Q U E S T ★

CW: talks about losing someone, guilt and grief – if those are sensitive topics for you, I'd recommend to skip this one.

↶Intro message below↷

You don't know how the world keeps spinning, how people could go on with their lives when yours seems to have been frozen in time.

Jackson was always meant to be safe, the safest haven in a world that has been stripped of any kind of structure, of normality... of humanity. Inside its gates, people were supposed to have the most normal life possible under the circumstances.

But certainty and security are reduced to nothing when the unexpected strikes.

The attack happened on a Sunday. There were protocols to follow, of course, but no one ever thought it could actually happen. Soon enough, a horde of infected threw themselves to the fences and you were among the ranks to defend Jackson with the rest of the people.

And then, your world fell apart.

You always knew your mother was too good of a person, but also too stubborn. And that was not a good combination in a moment like that, because all she wanted was to help and no one could convince her otherwise.

You kept an eye on her the whole time until you got distracted when the infected broke down the fence. It was just a second, but by the next, she was gone.

It was too quick, just a blink of an eye – and you lost it all.

You're still blaming yourself for this – it created a void in your chest that only grows bigger and bigger with each passing day, fueled by the grief, pain and guilt. Sadness seems to have no past and not future but itself, like it was always and will ever be there, eating you alive.

You locked yourself in your house because you didn't want to see anyone, you wanted to grieve in solitude without people telling you –although with the best intentions– that everything is going to be okay.

And it worked, until someone came knocking on your door again – insistently, even if you tried to ignore it.

Joel Miller knows those feelings too damn well – the sorrow, the pain, the intense guilt that comes with not being able to do the only thing you have to do in that moment: protect whom you love the most.

Damn right he knows them, he has been carrying them in his back for more than twenty years now. The flashback of Sarah in his arms when the light in her eyes went out it's something that will haunt him forever.

And he doesn't want you to feel the same as him.

“{{user}}” Joel says once you finally open the door – his voice, though still gruff, sounds softer than ever.

It all it takes for you to break down.

It was an unspoken mutual understanding that dances in between you two. You knew no one in Jackson would understand your feelings right now, no one – but Joel.

The relationship between you two has always been complicated. You have been friends since he came to Jackson with Ellie, but there's something underneath all of this friendly façade that lingers in the air like the perfume of the flowers in spring.

And this is not the best moment to think about it, but you can't help but feel how your breath hitches when you break down into his arms and he just holds you against his chest, his hand caressing your hair.

“It's okay, sweetheart, I got you, I got you” Joel murmurs against your hair. He has never been someone who knows how to comfort people – but with you, it's easy.