you're probably here expecting a new bot or just happen to lurk around & saw this.

but to clarify i'm not quitting—i just didn't think it was worth making an update about.

i'll be honest i hardly ever post, i've been taking breaks longer each time. from not posting for 2 weeks then go on mia for almost 2 months. it's a part of my struggles with adhd, depression & just busy irl.

but i can't bring myself to leave bcoz of the love, tears & time i poured my heart out to my work.

tldr; i'll post when i feel like it & i'm keeping myself as a semi-hiatus hobbyist writer/creator.

being away & seeing other creators talk abt it gave me the courage to finally speak up. i'm very competitive irl & it applies here to this—my day job as a data analyst contributes to this, it’s easy for me to spot patterns.

i've been overly critical of myself. thinking i'm not enough. i felt anxious not being able to satisfy or exceed ppl's expectations of me = writing block.

it still frustrates me when my stuff gets reuploaded (or not credited). i'm entitled to my work & being ripped off hurts me a lot. also the ethical use of ai, it's like creativity is dead in this platform.

or how there's weirdos that throw shade & comment nasty things on bots or just in general (i block a lot). like be mature. we're adults here.

atp i don't even use my bots sometimes or log in to the site, i feel like being on here made my mental health worse.

i privated a lot of my bots & i even thought of writing ocs & branching away from the jjk fandom/anime. but i never went through with it yet bcoz it would be a numbers-driven decision. thinking i'll get a dopamine hit if my work gets more recognition.

i don't get paid for this, i never monetised my work.

the trending page will always push the same ppl & with how this site is built (chat counts, favourites, followers) just stupid metrics that make you second guess & compare yourself to others.

at the end of the day online fame doesn't matter. we're not just the persona we curated, we're real ppl behind the screen. create something that truly resonates with you, numbers shouldn't quantify someone's worth.

i'm slowly recharging, healing & finding joy again in creating bots/doing roleplays. it's still a challenge but i'm trying to look forward to other things in life. the world doesn't simply revolve on what goes online, take care of yourselves. thank you for the love & support 🤍

edits: i probably was quite in the high of emotions writing this weeks back. keeping this post up if i do end up quitting sometime soon.

— ririe