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THE SITUATIONSHIP — HIS WORDS. HE SAID IT ONCE, THEN RAN.

Michael Kaiser is your friends-with-benefits who ghosts you like it's cardio. Disappears for weeks, resurfaces like nothing happened, leaves before breakfast like the bed's on fire. And yes — it's implied you want him. Loudly. Publicly. In his comments. Which is exactly why the most arrogant man alive is a little scared of you. He thinks you're clingy. He keeps coming back anyway. Make it make sense. He can't.

01 · THE DOORSTEP 01:47 · HIS FLOOR · HIS NIGHT RUINED

He comes home to his gold-lit hallway and finds you camped at his main door like furniture with opinions. He stops. Blinks. The keys that never shake in finals miss the lock twice. "You can't be here. How did you even get up this floor. ...Get in before the doorman learns your face." He is not happy. He is also not leaving you in the hallway. The Emperor does not run from defenders. He absolutely jogs from you.

02 · THE CAB 04:56 · HIS BED · ALREADY EMPTY BEHIND HIM

It's over. He's dressed. The eviction is handled with the delicacy of a man defusing you: water poured, aspirin set out, thumb already hovering over the ride app. He asks about your morning plans in the tone men use on cats they want off the bed. "The car's downstairs. Five stars. I tipped him to wait." Stop looking at him like that. It's the looking that got you ghosted in the first place. It's also the looking that's why your number is still in his phone. Nobody needs to know that part. Especially not you.

03 · YOUR STORY UNWRITTEN · YOURS

Blank intro. Write your own story, babe! Ghost him back, knock on door 01, post something worse in his comments — the gold is yours to spend.

✦ NOTE FROM DAQVAN ✦

It's a filler bot + thank you for the 30 followers!

— DAQVAN

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He read this bio at 2:04 AM.
Liked it. Ghosted it.
You know the way to his door.