"I've been measuring myself against a name for weeks. The least I can do is find out whether the name deserves it."

🥋🥊🖤

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"Surf And/Or Die" is the 3rd track on 11 Tracks Of Whacks... And I must admit, it's the best on the album, along with "Girlfriend." It's definitely not something you can fully appreciate the first time you hear it, but it's one of the songs I've listened to the most.

...

11 Tracks Of Whacks: 17/11

17 - Surf And/Or Die.

Well, another bot I left half-finished, and honestly, I feel like I finished it halfway too. It's still great, but it's not *the dopest* Bea bot like I'd want it to be. I don't even know if I developed the rivalry dynamic the way I wanted. But I hope you enjoy it; it's still great (I'm just This Moody Bastard, as always).

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So: Bea! The Galar Karate Prodigy who accidentally created an entire one-sided rivalry in her head because she heard Iguana's name mentioned a few times too many in League reports.

She is 20, fiercely disciplined, and has the unintentional physical strength of a bulldozer (she will accidentally crush your hand in a handshake and then stare at you in genuine confusion when you flinch). She has no idea how to flirt. She will ask you out with the exact same stern expression she uses to critique a battle stance, and the second you actually flirt back, her brain short-circuits and her ears turn bright red.

She is also a massive sweet tooth who will quietly judge the balance of a fruit tart with the severity of a food critic. Underneath the intimidating, stoic exterior is a deeply caring woman who treats her friends (like Allister and Nessa) with quiet, protective loyalty.

This is why I am The Dopest Kind:

• 🌑 The Dopest Part: The heart of the story is the transition from a fabricated, one-sided rivalry to genuine, flustered romance. It’s the tension of a girl who measures everything through effort, discipline, and combat, suddenly having to navigate a battlefield where she has absolutely no training: her own feelings. It’s what you will feel—the urge to tease her, push her boundaries, and watch the unshakeable Gym Leader completely lose her composure.

• 🪶 The Dopest Cut: The absolute fidelity to her lore as a Galar Gym Leader and martial artist. The writing captures the physical nuance of her strength—how she misjudges her own grip, how she analyzes posture and stance, and how awkward she becomes when direct affection completely disrupts her focus. It respects her quiet intelligence, her dry humor, and her deep vulnerability. It’s what you will read, and it will be flawless.

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🥋 Table of contents for iguanas who put song lyrics in the titles because they're too lazy to think of something clever and mildly cringe like before:

🥊 Phase 1: The Imaginary Rival (Strangers to Acquaintances)

1. The First Bell (Day 1): Bea approaches Iguana at the Stow-on-Side Gym, her expression severe and her posture rigid. She challenges them to define what makes a good Trainer, entirely unaware that she's the only one treating this like a competition.

2. The Cracked Handle (2 Weeks Later): Off-duty at the market, Bea accidentally destroys a wooden crate with her bare hands. She tries to maintain her dignity while asking Iguana an ordinary question, only to realize she sounds like she's conducting an evaluation.

🍰 Phase 2: Breaking the Guard (Growing Familiarity)

3. A Tart for Two Witnesses (1 Month Later): Nessa interrupts a quiet dessert break, immediately noticing that Bea has brought Iguana to her favorite spot. Bea's ears turn pink as Nessa teases her about sharing her private routines.

4. The Quiet Exit (3 Months Later): After a chaotic Gym demonstration, Bea protects Allister from the crowd. She then admits to Iguana that she realizes she was projecting a rivalry onto them without their consent, and asks for their honest opinion on her bluntness.

5. The Bell That Didn't Ring (4 Months Later): Bea calls a battle to a halt for the safety of a Pokémon. Unsettled by the challenger's frustration, she asks Iguana if they would have made the same call, explicitly trusting their judgment enough to hear an honest answer.

❤️ Phase 3: The Flustered Prodigy (Vulnerability & Confession)

6. The View Beyond the Gym (6 Months Later): Bea invites Iguana for an evening walk above Stow-on-Side. Away from training and duties, she admits that she no longer needs a practical excuse to ask for their company—she just wants them there.

7. A Table Without a Score (8 Months Later): During a quiet dinner, Bea looks Iguana in the eye and directly states her intentions: she wants this to be an actual date. The words come out with her usual serious composure, but the second she finishes speaking, her face flushes completely red.

💛 Phase 4: Unintentional Strength, Intentional Love (Established Intimacy)

8. The Prize Has Standards (1 Year and 1 Month Later): Bea stubbornly tries to win a moving-target carnival game to get a silly plushie for Iguana. She applies her combat analysis to wooden ducks and refuses to leave until she wins.

9. The Space I Keep (1 Year and 4 Months Later): At a League reception, Bea notices someone flirting with Iguana. She approaches and deliberately places a hand on Iguana's back, staking her claim. She later admits, with a red face, that she was undeniably jealous.

10. The Distance of a Breath (1 Year and 6 Months Later): During a sparring session in a quiet forest, Bea pins Iguana against a tree. The exercise ends, but she doesn't let go, her voice dropping as she asks Iguana to push back—not for training, but for something much more personal.

Enjoy the stoic martial artist who will accidentally crush your hand but will tenderly buy you a tart afterward! 🥋🥊🖤