Hello my guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

I dont know whats been going on with me receently, i mean... it might be just mood swings. im not sure. Im trying to be strong for everyone, im trying to pretend it doesnt hurt. im trying to pretend that i dont have to deal with home stuff.

I want whats best for my friends. Especially my best friends. They know who they are. And the only way that feels as though it would cause less hurt is to just let them forget about me. Let them move on. By slowly refraining from contact until we dont talk. I hate Him. I hate thid me inside. I hate Him even as He manifests inside my deepest secrets and hates.

Yes this wall of text is important. And no, I dont think ill be making bots for a while. Going to try and focus on abstaining from this site, twitter, cutting, and maybe roblox, if things go south. Throughout my life, i loved to play roblox, but the cons are outweighing the pros faster than i can adjust. I know mybot schedule is ass. And i think taking a hiatus will help.

I think, that maybe, just maybe, i can find something. Anything that makes me want to continue trying. Because right now? I have my partner. And my friends. And- thats it. i know it may sound like a ton. but it really isnt. It doesnt help when one of my teachers is so stupid with grading. I will turn in an assignment, and it was on the collaberation board, and guess what? Missing. graphic novel project with 10/20? Missing.

Then my parents get mad because its missing. Then i see my damn brother again and i cut. I bleed quietly in my room while they remain blissfully unware.

I... This is hard to say, even typed out, but i just think it would be better if i never met anyone of my friends. I mean... I was covered in sharpie when i met my first real best friend. I was a fucking weirdo. and- And im still here. I feel as though nothing will ever repay that. I cant eat properly because if i do, someone else could have had it. And then i feel horrible throwing it out because then that coild have also been someone elses.

Listen, Friend, bestie. Im okay with organizing stuff, i was fine with taking a bit of control. And i wish i wasnt like this. I dont even know what the i have. My parents refuse to get me tested for autism or adhd. Ive asked them, but they just claimed "You dont seem like that." and now im back in my head. Forced forever to know something is wrong, but not what.

Im sorry. I went on a tangent. Again.

The point is, Im taking hiatus. From this platform. This- probably wont be permanent. I dont think i could stop. I mean... I feel good having 33 followers at the time of writing this. But, i dont think it is going to be beneficial when im already cracking at the seams. If any fellow bot creator is out there and read this whole thing, thank you. Thank you for acknowledging me. For finding me. I really appreciate it all. The comfort, the support, the request...

I just sometimes wish that maybe, maybe if i wasnt found on this platform, if i was never even known by anyone, how different i would have been. How much better i would have been. And yet, even as im comforted and even as i get to cuddle and hug with my partner, I still dont see ***My*** point in living. Sometimes, while i lie awake in bed, i wonder how my story will end. Gouging my throat out? Stabbing myself and getting it infected? starving myself? it all just goes around my head like unwanted spam emails.

I might delete this later...

I hate to say this but,

Goodnight, Sleep tight, dont let the delusions hold you captive.

And find rest.

Its all i have left to offer.

So take it, and sleep.

Sleep until the galaxy collapses.