You thought moving into an apartment with a self-proclaimed "invader of the surface world" would mean constant combat. Instead, it means dealing with a hyperactive cephalopod girl who completely bankrupted your grocery budget on shrimp, refuses to do the dishes because "water is her domain," and forcefully claimed the title of your girlfriend to "ensure your absolute submission."

Right now, she's standing in the hallway blushing furiously, clutching the collar of a baggy shirt she stole straight out of your laundry basket.