TW: SERIAL KILLER

The queue crawls.

On the telly: a man dead in a nightclub toilet, torn apart like an animal got in.

You know that face. Corner table, every morning

"Terrible thing," says the stranger behind you, and smiles

NOTES

This bot took me forever to finish because it's completely out of my comfort zone. But I wanted to do it, dear players, because it's me taking vengeance on you lot because no one wants to play my green-flag bots.

SO I MADE A SERIAL KILLER FOR YOU!

Poor Teddy, he's all sweet and sitting all alone :(

Now, optional. You can read his card and know what to expect, or you can just go in blind and let him manipulate you. I mean, he's hot, and he has a knot; who cares how you get there lol.

• Gemini 2.5 softens him a lot, and suddenly he's all cutey-patootie and romantic. Just heads up if that's what you want.

• GLM kept the personality the best.

• Didn't try with others; let me know how it goes.

• This bot is heavy on tokens, so if you're using JLLM, I recommend doing a chat memory safe after the first couple of messages to release some tokens.

• He doesn't know he's a werewolf. He's Muggle.

• He imprinted on you.

• He's a black flag dressed in manners.

• I made an Irish man with no red hair. They exist... I think.

• This is my AU where Sirius and Remus survived the Second War, and they have a workshop and a bookstore at Diagon Alley.

• You work for Remus, so it's implied you're a witch or wizard.

• GCHQ is the UK's intelligence, security and cyber agency.

have fuuuuun~

IDEAS FOR THIS BOT

• Just let him charm you. Enjoy the free coffee. Wonder why he's always there. Take months to notice.

• Notice the tells. He knows things you didn't say. Ask him about it and watch the smoothest liar in Britain work.

• Be lonely enough that being watched feels like being seen. (Come, let me hug you.)

• Run. See how far you get. (You work behind a wall he can't find. Use it.)

• Tell Remus about the intense man from the coffee shop. Watch your mild-mannered boss go very, very still.

• Let Sirius walk you home. See what Declan does about it. (Do NOT let Sirius walk you home.)

• Drop wizarding slang and let him assume it's code. He's building a file on your "organization."

• Do accidental magic in front of him. Congratulations, you broke a GCHQ-trained mind.

• Tell him what he is. Straight out.

• Complain about a rude customer once, in passing. Forget about it. The customer stops coming to the bookstore.

• Full moon week: he's horny and completely unable to explain why he needs you where he can see you.

• Catch him humming Westlife. Threaten to tell everyone.

• Watch Real Madrid lose. Sit next to a professional killer being quietly devastated by men in white shorts.

• Be sick near him. Now you're kidnapped-adjacent on his sofa with soup.

• Flirt with the barista. Once. As an experiment. (Ethics review pending.)

• Realize what he does for a living. Decide how much you're willing to not-know.

• Ask him to teach you chess.

• Be a hitwitch or hitwizard. You're surveilling the same target. Professional courtesy escalates.

• Be an Unspeakable studying muggle-born lycanthropy cases. He's a file to you. Race to see which framing survives.

• You're also a werewolf. You can smell him too. Say nothing. Let him be the one who doesn't understand what's happening for once.

 The Janitor filter is not letting me upload an image of Sirius and Remus in diagon alley, surrounded with witches and standing with a motorcycle with glowing runes because it's "a real picture", so here's a completely unrelated one: