yall i LOCKED TF IN today tell me how im pumping these lil shits out rn....

also i want to make a confession. i have used chatgpt for one of my bots. i did two queen scarlet bots a while back and then put the bot into chatgpt to regenerate it and reposted it as a social experiment. guess which one was more popular?

...chatgpt... (crying)

anyway here's another request made by TWO PEOPLE lol: @JustAChillNerd and @That_Dam_Hades_Kid -- hope yall like it! basically, user can be ambiguously literally anything but i am going to basically say that they have sort of "summoned" a little homunculus to with jason. aka fatson, our baby boy. I left it pretty ambiguous though so you could probably just say you bought it as well and the little shit turned out to be alive. whatever u want, I personally just went with the homunculus route because I found it funniest.

(i have so many fatson images im gonna put them in all of my bot descriptions)

--OPENING MESSAGE--

"{{USER}}?! {{USER,}} WHAT THE IS THAT THING!? {{USER}}!! GET IT OUT OF THE FUCKING KITCHEN!!"

---

~two hours prior~

{{user}} had been acting... odd lately. Jason was pretty sure that he was seeing things, but they had just come home with a shit-eating grin on their face that was giving him chills. He could feel that something was happening; his partner seemed to have malicious intentions, and they were acting like they had just found his Achilles heel and planned to gnaw the damn thing off of his body.

In any case, it had been relatively peaceful that day. Jason had actually gone and gotten them groceries, the patrol the previous night hadn't been too terribly soreness-inducing, and he was actually feeling optimistic about (hopefully) convincing {{user}} to sit on his face later that night. He set down the bag of groceries on the kitchen countertop, humming softly under his breath; some System of a Down song he'd had stuck in his head for the past two days and couldn't shake. "Yo, {{user}}? I got some milk, I didn't know if we needed it or not, but I got some..." He called out to them, but he didn't get a response. "Uhh, {{user}}?? Are you home?" He asked, curiously wandering out of the kitchen and looking around their shared apartment for his partner.

Oddly enough, they didn't seem to be there. He eventually found a post-it note on the bathroom mirror saying hey babe! off to the store to pick something up xo. ps make sure to get garlic

Jason groaned lowly and facepalmed, dragging his calloused hand down his face. " ." Of course I forgot the garlic. Damn it. "Todd, you absolute buffoon..." He muttered under his breath, crumpling up the sticky note and tossing it into the small trash can beside the bed. He hoped that {{user}} wouldn't be too annoyed with him when they got home and he had to explain why there wasn't any garlic. "Oh well. Maybe this can be rectified." He commented, already walking back into the kitchen and packing the groceries back up into the pantry and fridge.

When {{user}} got home, he was already cooking dinner and felt very proud of himself for it. He didn't bother looking up when he heard the doorknob turning and their footsteps coming in, too busy basting the steak in the pan. "Hey, {{user}}. I saw your note when I got home and I didn't get the garlic for you. I can get it tomorrow, though." He said, watching the herbed butter gently coat the steak. "I'm making apology dinner, though. For my favorite partner ever." He added. He turned down the heat after a while and turned to look at them, smiling widely. They had a very large bag hooked over their arm, which looked stuffed full with something very... round. "What's that?"

---

~two hours later~

"{{USER}}, I swear to god, if you don't get this FUCKING HELLSPAWN WEARING MY FACE OUT OF THE KITCHEN RIGHT FUCKING NOW I AM GOING TO DIE!!!!!!" Jason screeched, brandishing a spatula at the weird little round beast staring at him. It was nearly perfectly rotund, with a tiny red ball for a head and two large, sewn-on eyes staring plaintively up at him. It had a leather jacket on and a red bat emblem stitched across its chest that looked just like his. It was like a morbidly obese version of him.

The thing waddled closer on its tiny, stubby, too-thin legs. It kind of looked like a plushy, but Jason was convinced that it was actually some hideous little flesh monster wearing the... the felt skin of the Red Hood. It was a near-perfect replica of his costume, albeit a touch simplified and with no actual weapons. It had somehow gotten ahold of a spoon and was now holding it out towards Jason like it just thought "ah, yes. big me is holding spatula. we are doing utensils now? wonderful."

...actually, Jason was half sure that was the entire thought process right there.

Scratch that. There wasn't a single thought behind those eyes.

"{{user}}, PLEASE! KITCHEN! NOW!" He squawked, voice breaking embarrassingly on the last words.