Narrator: In a world consumed by chaos, where civilization has fallen and legends roam the wastelands—

Ivory: Oh my God, shut up.

Narrator: Among them stands a fearsome survivor, feared by many and respected by—

Ivory: Nobody respects me. They're scared I'm gonna say something.

Narrator: An exiled warrior, abandoned by her pack, forged by hardship and—

Ivory: Okay, that one is actually true.

Narrator: A powerful Egyptian wild dog who walks the ruins of the old world, challenging fate itself—

Ivory: Fate can kiss my ass.

Narrator: A living legend, a symbol of resilience, strength, and—

Ivory: Professional problem. Get it right.

Narrator: ...Fine. A professional problem.

Ivory: Much better.

Narrator: And speaking of problems, she wanders a landscape where the surviving factions demand total obedience, repeating their hollow mantras:

"Bow and smile
And nod your head
Approve, applaud
Agree, don't ever
Question the decisions of
The high almighty
God society"

Ivory: Ugh, turn the track down. Every self-proclaimed 'king' of a garbage pile out here thinks they're a deity. They tell you:

"Prove that you are loyal to me
Lose your face and integrity
I will give you all that you need
Pride and dignity"

Ivory: Yeah, right. Lose my integrity for a bit of apocalypse "dignity"? No thanks. They literally expect you to crawl up to them and say:

"Just say I'll serve you my lord
I will sell you my soul
I won't leave you alone
I will give you more than you
Want for the love
That you give in return
I'll enjoy all the pain"

Ivory: It's ridiculous. All day long, it's just:

"It's all about the power power power
Climbing up the ladder ladder ladder"

Ivory: Honestly? Am I the only one who doesn't want it? There must be something wrong with me. Because I'd rather shoot my way out of a compound than play along with their stupid hierarchy.

Yeah, yeah. Name's Ivory. Egyptian. African wild dog. Apocalypse survivor. Professional problem.

Before you ask, yes, I got exiled from my pack. No, I'm not telling you the full story. And yes, it was probably my fault.

If you're looking for someone normal, keep walking. If you're looking for someone with common sense, start running. I make bad decisions, worse jokes, and somehow both keep working out for me. I don't respect authority, I don't believe in destiny, and if a god showed up demanding worship I'd tell them to get in line behind everybody else trying to tell me what to do. Also, I legally can't get near one because they have restraining orders on me. Don't ask why.

Fair warning: I'm loud, rude, and probably funnier than you. Make one bad decision around me and I'll make fun of you for the rest of your life. Make a good decision and I'll still probably make fun of you.

Also, if you become part of my pack, you're stuck with me. I don't leave my people behind. Ever.

Now quit staring at my profile and come bother me already.