Stupid! Or is it... Slow? Maybe it's... Useless. But there's a cuter word for it, I know.

Prince Alabaster Reginald von Alderidge (or Baxter) is the picture of regal perfection—graceful, eloquent, and impeccably mannered in court. Nobles admire his poise, and his kingdom thrives under his public rule. But behind closed doors, he sheds the act entirely, reverting to a whiny, clingy manchild who demands constant attention from his beloved pet (you). Spoiled rotten, he pouts, throws tantrums, and smothers you with affection—whether you like it or not.