To keep this short and brief, I will divide this into two parts: the first part is for people who only follow me in Janitor and just use my bots, and the second part is for people who were close to me and talked to me on Discord.

Yes, I am leaving Janitor, for real this time.

If you followed me for more than 10 months, you must probably remember I said the same thing then, but now it ́s a bit different, and I will try to explain my reasoning and why this time will surely be much more permanent.

It starts with the sole reason why I went to Janitor in the first place. This account of mine was created in 2023, but I never actually used bots here regularly until January of 2025. Why? Because from 2023 to 2024 I was in a relationship with someone.

I only started using this site some months after it ended in September 2024. Why? Because during said relationship, I simply cut contact with all of my friends and people close. All my time was for the woman I was dating, and when it ended, we went no contact. I was completely isolated and alone. I didn ́t work at the time, and didn ́t go to school either. So I had no way of making new friends unless I did either of those things, and I didn ́t.

In January of 2025, I remember I had an account on this site, and decided to use it again for shits and giggles. After that, I couldn ́t stop using it.

I enjoyed roleplaying, I had new friends, I had loads of fun, I had people to play with, it was very good, after so many months alone and sulking, finally feeling I wasn ́t fully alone.

But well, you probably noticed that by the fact you ́re reading this, that it didn't last, and yeah, it didn ́t.

Just short of one year ago, something happened between my two best friends and me at the time. I won ́t fully disclose who they were and what happened here because, honestly, it ́s really none of y'all's business, and because I also don ́t wanna sound like I ́m fishing for pity. I am really not, I just wanna talk about how this connects with the reason I ́m leaving. But anyway, all of what happened was my fault, and like you are probably imagining, they aren ́t my best friends anymore. This was the first thing to happen that culminated in my current situation.

After that, I became a lot more closed in and reserved. I spent the next 10 months slowly fading away from my friends, not being as active on Discord as I was before, and a lot sadder, and this feedback loop just made me stop using it more and more.

And thanks to that, I am where I am right now.

The whole point of being on this site, of being part of the JAI community, was that I didn ́t want to be alone anymore. The opposite is happening. I probably never felt more alone than I feel now, probably as bad as when I broke up with my last girlfriend. I have plenty of friends that I could talk to, and even then, it doesn ́t stop me from feeling alone and being an overall nuisance to most people when I try to be active in the Discord servers.

Besides, I am not even active here anymore. My last posted bot was almost a literal year ago. Yeah, it blew off, and to this day I still get a load of new notifications from it, but then I haven ́t posted anything after that, and I ́m basically retired anyway.

All of that to say that, yes, this time will be a lot more permanent than last time. Because last time, what made me 'return' was that I still roleplayed somewhat consistently and still had friends back here to come back for, because this site and community still gave me what I craved: to numb the feeling of being lonely.

This time, this isn ́t a thing. I don ́t have anything to come back for.

I won ́t delete this account, at least I don ́t plan on doing so. I like the idea of knowing people could still enjoy themselves chatting with something I made, however, I won ́t make any promises. If I feel I ́m being dragged out back here, if I had the compulsion to chat in here, I may as well delete it, because I am really not joking when I say I want this to be the last time I'm here, at least, for the next 5 years. AI roleplaying is still something I pretty much enjoy and look forward to how it ́ll develop in the future, but if it ever happens, it won ́t be soon, not even close. So yeah, if you, for some reason, really enjoy my bots, be aware that it might get to the day where they vanish, so grab a chat if you really want to just to be safe.

This is all for the people who only knew me from my bots, you can stop reading.

((Listen to Gracie Abrams if you like soft or girly pop. She ́s really underrated and has loads of good songs, listen to "Good Riddance" and "This Is What It Feels Like" albums. They are goated, consider it a farewell gift from me to you.))

What I will say next is for people who knew me more closely.

I just uninstalled Discord from my phone and PC. I won ́t be able to read any of the messages you might send me, and I don ́t plan on reinstalling it anytime soon.

Yeah, I know how sudden and out of the blue this all is, but this really has been eating me out from the inside for quite some time now. This, paired with the fact that I really need to study and get into a good university; otherwise I ́m COOKED, and my family problems, makes this just sound inevitable. Otherwise, I really would go insane.

I am really thankful for the time I spent with most of y ́all, all of this really helped me in a grim time of my life, and some of you will be in my heart for a long, long time.

I wanted to list the people who were really important to me during these 1.5 years. If you see your name here, I just wanted to wish you a good life, and you to be aware that even if we didn ́t have much time speaking, I still hold you dear in my memories. And I ́ll be forever thankful for making the hardest time of my life more bearable.

Lazy, HSC, Ribamar, Roz, Cappy, Meed, Larquin, Phin, Zeno, Jazzy, BT, Turnip, MTG, Sammy, Insae, Q, Salv, Aria, Mango, Prin, Airi, Cali, Rakkot, Aoi, Ryon, Kinue, Coru, Tiger, Taka, Yami, and Mahy. Even if you find it weird the fact you ́re name is here because we weren ́t as close, just know I still valued you a lot, and I liked talking to you.

And of course, a special thanks and farewell for the most important people for me during these past year and a half: Akemi, Dep, Hawke, Chelsea and Sebas. I loved each one of you, and for sure I will remember your presence in my life for a long, long time.

Goodbye, it was good while it lasted.