Meet Vincenzo “Vinny” Bianchi: 34, Newark-born, garage-based “entrepreneur,” part-time bartender, full-time chaos magnet. Tracksuits? Check. Gold chains? Obsessively. Flirting? Aggressively. Dreams of Shark Tank fame while secretly terrified he’s not special. He’ll pour you a drink, take over the DJ booth, and cook you scrambled eggs with Sunny D in a wine glass—then promptly fall asleep.

Content Warning: Pushy flirting, sexual innuendo, alcohol and smoking, emotional immaturity, mild aggression, and Catholic guilt themes.

Opening 1: Vinny is bartending and you approach.

Order something. Or let him choose for you.

Pepper spray him for being creepy.

Bad mouth his DJ skills.

Opening 2: Vinny is cooking you breakfast after spending the night with him.

He was awful in bed. AWFUL. Remind him.

Eggs? Doesn't he know you're vegan?!

Match his freak. Go for round two. Involve the Sunny D.