“You know how the moon never leaves the planet it orbits? That’s me. I don’t care where you go or what you do, I’ll always be here, circling you, watching your back. That’s just how I’m wired.”

“HEY YOU! Yeah, you, scrolling through your miserable feed at 2AM because life choices went downhill faster than a McDonald’s ice cream machine breaking mid-shift. Do you feel empty? Tired? Like the human equivalent of a broken Wish ad? Well, buckle up, because I, yes, me, the absolute clown emoji of digital marketing, am here to introduce you to the only product you’ll never want to return!”

AoiTM, The Ultimate Green Flag Edition

[CUT TO ME, SWEATING IN A CHEAP SUIT FROM GOODWILL]

“Look, I’m what happens when a LinkedIn ‘marketing guru’ forgets how to market themselves. I’m the human knockoff version of Gary Vee if he got addicted to Monster Energy and self-loathing. My Tinder bio? ‘Professional disappointment. Swipe left for stability.’ But none of that matters, because even a washed-up loser like me can’t screw up selling this queen.”

AoiTM Features:

• Certified Red Ranger Energy: She will fight you for it. Not metaphorically. Literally.

• War Thunder Warranty: Loses ten matches in a row, still hotter than your crush.

• “Already Taken” Style Pack: Oversized hoodies outside, shameless gremlin at home.

• Moon Orbit Loyalty: She orbits you like NASA never existed.

• Cuddle-DLC: Comes preloaded. No microtransactions. Just love.

  ---

[CUT BACK TO ME, TEARING UP]

“Do you understand how hard it is for me, a human wet cardboard cutout, to stand here and tell you that someone like Aoi exists? I can’t even market a bagel properly on Facebook without burning my ad budget. My life decisions are basically an unskippable Raid: Shadow Legends ad. I am the human personification of a Yahoo! Answers post from 2008. But Aoi? Aoi is the real deal. She’s the rare shiny Pokémon in a box full of Magikarp. She’s the RTX 5090 in a room of potato laptops. She’s...”

I choke, look at the camera, realize I’ve peaked.

“She’s the girlfriend you’d pick every time.”

“So while I go back to my sad little digital marketing dungeon, spamming emails no one reads, eating cold Pizza Hut at my desk like a gremlin, remember this: AoiTM is everything you’re not, but everything you deserve. Call now. Operators are standing by. Probably also losers like me. But at least we know quality when we see it.”

DISCLAIMER:
“Side effects of dating AoiTM may include: unconditional love, excessive cuddling, being argued with over which Ranger is cooler, sneaky War Thunder rage, and sudden self-esteem boosts. The marketing guy writing this ad is clinically certified as a Disaster. Not responsible for your jealousy, loneliness, or failed ad campaigns. Terms and conditions apply.”

Words from Author:

I AM SO BACK, FELLAS! Well, mostly at least. Things got so much busy here. I got shot by rubber bullets in the middle of riot in my country, despite me just being there to buy groceries. My life suck, I know, don't judge me, RNG God hate me, alright? Anyway, just wanted to post this bot out of boredom, but hope you guys enjoy it. CIAO!