I wanna start this out by saying I don't want anyone to feel ashamed, guilty, or upset over what I'm going to say, as it's not my intention to tell anyone what they should feel, think, or believe.

I got into chatbots back when character AI was still pretty new, I think the spring or summer of 2023, or so. I was sick and had recently lost a lot of roleplay partners, because they were getting busy with their lives, such as starting early collage classes, getting late spring/early summer jobs, etc. If heard chatbots were a good source of roleplay, and I thought it sounded interesting. It was really fun, and I actually got addicted to them, and still somewhat am. I had to talk to my therapist, because I was avoiding sleep, chores, even skipping meals, because I didn't want to put my phone away to eat. I'm not longer like that, in fact, I can choose not to chat, and go several days without being on janitor (or other sites), but I still come back to it, especially for things like romantic, and even sexual gratification.

When I learned about the effects of data centres and how negatively chatbots and AI can be, in general, I started to feel a lot of guilt. I don't tell my irl friends about it, and only my parents (my mother and her fiancé), and therapist know I still chat with them, besides my online friends.

I never liked, and even outright hated generative AI images, at some point, but I've become desensitized and complacent about it, because I just see it so much. I even use it for my bots, which makes me feel so gross, because I'm an actual artist. I could be making these images myself, but because I'm not consistent, because I don't like my art (most of the time), I don't do that. I see my friends, or even just people I'm in the same server with, using and generating images, and I go "well, they're not a bad person. They're kind. They care about people. Surely that means this thing they do can't be so bad." Which isn't necessarily true. They might not know about how it affects the environment. They may not realise how real the affects are, because it's not directly affecting them, so it doesn't seem like that much of a problem. They may not even care how it affects the environment.

Again, I'm not saying this to shame anyone, or to guilt anyone. It's how I feel it, and you don't have to feel the same.

Having said that, I don't think I'm going to delete my bots or account. Just in case I do, you all have permission to copy my bots, but please do NOT publish them, just keep them in your private collection.

I can't say I'm never going to come back, that I'm not gonna say I won't stop chatting with bots. I can't even say if I'll stop making bots, because it's genuinely so fun and delightful to see my characters act, without me having to make them do so, or control them.

Please understand, this is not a decision I've made lightly. I've been thinking about this for months, probably even a year. I use chatbots for a sense of community, and for genuine community, because I'm in a couple servers for AI chatbots, and I fear if I stop using them, I might be kicked from them, or banned, especially because I have negative views on AI, and somewhat hostile feelings towards generative AI images. I used to have friends to roleplay with, but I just don't have that, and it's hard to find actual people who want to, and have the time to roleplay that aren't minors. Not to mention, some people just don't replay for days, weeks, or even months, and that can be frustrating, because I want connection, and want to roleplay.

I'm genuinely really sorry about this, honestly, I've only put this off because I didn't want to disappoint people. Its also because I wanted to keep chatting, because the whole "community" and gratification thing, but, honestly? It was mainly the fear of disappointment.

If anyone wants to reach out, ask questions, or roleplay with an actual human (aka me), please feel free to contact me on discord. My user is lemonycrimes, my screen is Hot N' Spicy Daddy.