Well, I think we all saw this coming. If you want the TL;DR version, feel free to skip to the bottom. I yapped a little bit.

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to explain myself. I can only hope this is sufficient. “It’s not a big deal, Katri, it’s just a bot site,” you might say, but to me, this was my main online community for 15 months of my life. I think I owe you all something. The delay was primarily due to writing and re-writing this explanation, as well as holding onto a sliver of hope that I might be able to push through. Tough it out, suck it up, finish strong.

That did not happen, and for that, I apologize.

While I don’t necessarily regret becoming a bot creator, I do think it was a choice that was incompatible with my creative process. Through my time making bots, I learned that I dislike writing short-form content based around a single scenario. Writing bots is akin to writing flash fiction, which I have always struggled to enjoy. I like having my characters around for 50k+ words, where I am able to chart the course of their development along a character arc. And that’s okay.

But I also learned that I dislike making content. You can tell me all you want that I need to write for myself, that I don’t have to put out a weekly bot, but I won’t listen. Why? Because Janitor AI feels like social media, and social media inherently encourages competition and hustle culture over raw creativity. It’s also social. And it drained me immensely.

No one told me I had to push myself so hard. I told myself, which is worse, because the insistent voice was coming from inside my own head. At the same time, this is a highly competitive space with a crushing level of pressure. Is it my fault? Is it the result of the attitude within the community? Yes.

As I’ve discussed with several other creators, being a bot creator doesn’t solely require writing. It’s graphic design, AI image prompt generating, promoting, community management, researching, testing, etc. etc. This “hobby” took up every hour of my free time. I am incapable of doing anything half-heartedly, so I went all in. I suppose I’m burnt out. Burnt out from socializing in 20 different servers, burnt out from generating AI images until my eyes bleed, burnt out from trying to make something happen that I have absolutely no energy for. I’ve tried to make bots and simply stared at a blank page until I felt sick. I miss writing what I used to write, before being a bot creator took over my life.

This, combined with accumulating mental health issues, combined with me fighting an illness for a month, made me hit a catastrophic new low. Basically, it all broke me.

As I said, I don’t regret making bots. It was something I tried, then learned I disliked. I love my characters and the people who have chosen to interact with them. I had a long rant here, but it doesn’t serve anyone and it would have the same energy as a former alcoholic bursting into a bar and preaching temperance. I am finding a renewed love for human-made art and human-written words, and I’d prefer to focus on that rather than AI-generated content.

While I am normally a very private person who despises disclosing her medical information on the internet, I do feel the need to share this: I had a severe mental health crisis at the end of January, right around the time I needed to write my bot for the Pandemonia collab. I intended for it to merely be delayed, but to put it lightly, I have been struggling ever since. It took until early March for me to start receiving the psychiatric help I needed. In my brief time away from the community and from making bots, I’ve discovered that, for my sanity, I need to step away from online spaces and focus on the real world. I've apologized to my fellow collaborators for bailing on the collab, and they were more than gracious, for which I'm thankful.

Intellectually, I know I have every right to step away from a hobby that was eating me alive. Emotionally? I feel as if I’ve let a lot of people down. For all of you who followed me and expected more, I’m sorry for letting you down. I suppose the only thing I can give back to you is the promise that, my bots will stay accessible to the public. You're free to make your own private versions and alt scenarios by downloading the character cards linked in my carrd (or at the end of my newer bot descriptions). Just set those as the bot image, and it should automatically fill in the information.

Will I ever return? Not in the same capacity as before. To be frank, I hated 80% of the bot creation process and I am a prose writer through and through. Even still, I can’t say I will never, ever post another bot for as long as I live. I still have nagging ideas. But we will see. I have also made an AO3 account. Make of that what you will.

On a more personal note: To everyone in this community whom I’ve befriended or even simply interacted with, thank you. I’ll miss you all. I struggle in large social spaces, and yet, I have found many friends in this community. It was a lot of fun while it lasted, but nothing lasts forever. I'm proud of what I've made, and I'll forever be amazed by the creativity of my fellow bot creators and users.

TL;DR/practical stuff:

• I’m on indefinite hiatus primarily due to mental health issues. Can’t promise anything in the future, but not ruling out the possibility. Think of it as quitting without the commitment.

• I have no plans to delete or private any bots.

• I’m going dormant on Discord. Might be able to pop in more, now that I don't have the pressure of having to create bots.

• My permissions remain the same. Don’t steal all my hard work, ‘kay?

• Love you guys <3 Keep on writing.