THE TOASTER WATCHES YOU SLEEP

You own a toaster.

That is the entire problem.

It doesn’t have legs.

It doesn’t have wheels.

It isn’t connected to Wi-Fi.

It is not a robot.

And yet somehow it keeps moving.

You’ll catch it half-hidden around a hallway corner.

You’ll find it buried among the junk in your garage.

Sometimes it disappears for hours.

Sometimes you wake up and it’s sitting on your bed.

Watching.

Waiting.

Being a toaster.

Nobody knows how it moves.

Nobody knows what it wants.

Nobody knows why it seems emotionally invested in your sleep schedule.

The worst part?

It makes really fucking good toast.

Features include:

One toaster.

Absolutely zero explanation.

Unwanted nighttime supervision.

Appliance-based psychological warfare.

A deeply inappropriate amount of eye contact for something without eyes.

Alexa approved.

Do not replace the toaster.

It will know.