♡ a personal update

hi loves 🤍

i’ve been sitting here trying to figure out how to write this, and there really isn’t a good way to say it.

my dad passed away this past saturday.

he had been sick for a very long time, so this wasn’t something that came completely out of nowhere. i knew there was a possibility that eventually i would have to face this, and i think a part of me spent a long time trying to mentally prepare myself for that day.

but i’m realizing now that this isn’t something you can actually prepare yourself for.

you can know it’s coming. you can tell yourself you’re ready. you can have all the time in the world to think about what it might feel like, and then it actually happens and somehow none of that preparation matters.

it’s my dad.

and now he’s gone.

i’ve been extremely stressed and just trying to hold myself together while processing everything, and being pregnant on top of all of this has made me realize that i really need to take care of myself right now. physically, mentally, emotionally, all of it. i need to be with my family, grieve my dad, take care of myself and my baby, and let myself process something that i don’t think my brain has even fully accepted yet.

because of that, i’m going to be gone for a while.

janitor, discord, bots, writing, releases, schedules, updates... all of it is honestly the furthest thing from my mind right now.

and i’m sorry.

i know i’ve given you guys so many things to look forward to. i’ve talked about bots i wanted to release, characters i was excited to finish, series i wanted to continue, updates i had planned, and a million other little ideas. you guys have gotten excited with me and waited for me and supported the things i create, and part of me feels horrible stepping away when i know i’ve left so many things unfinished.

but i also know that forcing myself to write right now wouldn’t be fair to me.

i don’t want to sit in front of a screen trying to make characters flirt and argue and fall in love when my actual life has just changed in a way i’m still trying to understand.

and i felt like you guys at least deserved to know why i disappeared.

i didn’t want to just vanish one day and leave everyone wondering what happened, especially when so many of you have been ridiculously patient and supportive of me through delayed bots, random disappearances, me changing my mind 400 times, getting excited over a new idea before i even finished the last one 😭, and just everything that comes with following me and my little corner of jai.

you guys have given my characters so much love. you’ve left comments that made me laugh when i desperately needed it, gotten attached to these fictional men right along with me, waited on updates without making me feel like i owed you something, and made creating feel fun.

i appreciate that more than i probably say.

so please don’t wait around expecting a bot next week or wondering when a certain character is coming. i genuinely cannot give you a timeline right now. it could be a few weeks. it could be longer. i don’t know, and for once i’m letting myself be okay with not knowing.

right now i’m just Nayah.

not a creator. not somebody who needs to finish a bot. not somebody who needs to keep a server active or stick to a schedule.

just a daughter who lost her dad, a girl trying to process it, and a soon-to-be mom who needs to take care of herself and her baby.

thank you for giving me the space to do that. 🤍

and thank you for sticking beside me through everything. whether you’ve been here forever or you found one random bot of mine yesterday and somehow ended up here, thank you for giving something i made a little piece of your time.

this isn’t necessarily goodbye.

or maybe it is. who knows.

life feels very strange and very fragile to me right now, and i don’t want to promise that i’ll come back on a certain date or that everything will eventually go back to exactly how it was.

if and when i’m ready to create again, i want to come back because i genuinely missed it. not because i felt guilty for leaving.

until then, my bots aren’t going anywhere. haruki will unfortunately continue being haruki without my supervision 😭 and all of my other little fictional people will still be here whenever i’m ready for them again.

please take care of yourselves for me.

hug your people. tell them you love them. spend time with them when you can.

thank you for being here.

i love you guys very, very much.

ily ily. 🤍

— nayah