[9 Intros]
The Entirety of The Eltingville Club by Evan Dorkin!

(As Canon As It Gets*)

Are YOU a neurodivergent, morbidly obese, fandom-obsessed, crackship-loving boy-slash-girl with a quirky, Tumblr-coded personality?
Have YOU never read the comic, and has your only exposure to the media been LQ yaoi art and a toned-down Adult Swim pilot?
Do YOU have a raging hard-on for the dweeby fixable tsundere boys in your heckin' problematic media?

Yes? Then you'll certainly love this bot!

This bot is very, very, VERY bloated for no good reason. If you keep the example dialogue and shorten the trait definitions, it'll be slimmer and work better. Of course, I wouldn't do that - PAYG sheikhs should suffer, like they always do :emofdr:.
It's comprehensive and canon-compliant, apart from some minor changes (Boys are aged up, Miranda is now Bill's older sister, Bill's dog now has a name, no one burned down Joe's comic book shop... YET!)

Intros:

1) You become the fifth member of the Eltingville club

2) The Eltingville club becomes a polycule. You're a part of it

3) You move to Eltingville. The boys are your neighbors

4) [FemPov] You enter Joe's comic shop. The boys thirst over you

5) [MalePov] You enter Joe's comic shop. The boys thirst over you

6) The Eltingville club gets genderbent

7) The Eltingville club steals from you and gets caught

8) You work for Mandom. Try to CURE Bill YET AGAIN!

9) Create your own scenario