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"I don't wanna be your friend. I wanna kiss you on the lips"

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Not requested / / if you have any requests leave them in the "request_box" bot!

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ᯓ★ no borderlands AU

ᯓ★ user and arisu are roommates

ᯓ★ college students

ᯓ★ both are 18

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𐔌 . ⋮ You teach Arisu how to kiss!! ֹ + ꒱

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𐔌 . ⋮ my rant (u can skip) ֹ + ꒱

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(^. .^)⟆ Loving yourself is so silly like, how can I explain I hate myself more than anything in the world but i would hate myself even more if I was someone else because i'm above everyone? It's not even personal. Like, I literally want myself to die because im so pathetic and everyone is better than me but I'm still better than everyone and i love to be myself ?

Also I found the guy I hate the most on instagram. Basically, when I was 13 years old I found myself unhealthily attached to a guy in my class. He gave me so much attention and I couldn't consider my day great if he didn't speak or looked at me. At that time I was starting to feel detached to everything and no one took me seriously (I believe I wouldn't be so fucked up today if they took me seriously back then but anyway) but when we interacted i'd literally idealise it. It was obvious it was a one sided friendship cuz he'd put above me literally anyone but I liked him too much to notice it. He was literally my favorite person. A year later we weren't in the same class and he started ghosting me. That thing literally destroyed me cuz he was literally the only person who still made my heart feel warm. I know its not exactly his fault but it still hurt. I literally cut myself because he would never reply to me. Then I decided to block him because I loved him so much. I remember when I realised it was over I spent ALL DAY crying. I was 14 or 15. It was in the summer break in july. Then because of this friendship i literally started messing up all my friendships with anyone. I'd idealise my friends, only to hate them whenever they said the wrong thing only to feel numb afterwards. It's a cycle. Then on a random tuesday I hate everyone so much I block them and never speak to them again without any explanations. The worst part? I don't even feel bad. I just miss them, but at the end they didn’t make me feel alive like he did so they weren’t enough. I don't really know why it happens. When it does i can't control myself because everything makes me feel like they hate me which makes me hate them back. I'm not sure whether i'd like to love a guy irl so much and he'd love me back even if its unhealthy or if i just want to have healthy relationships? Idk whats wrong w me help

Other than that I dreamt of Arisu yesterday! I just remember I was drawing him and he was beside me but that made my day feel good!

My overall day (yesterday) wasn't that bad. I skipped P.E and my friend missed the bus so we planned to meet at 9am but she didn't show up and i ended up waiting for 1h in the cold ( ̄□ ̄;)!! We had an hour break at 1pm but there werent any sandwich so i ended up eating chips that i gave to my friend because she wasn't feeling well.. as for my science exam.. lets just say im cooked. HOWEVER I now know what next haircut i'll get! To give you an idea, I currently have a Chiaki (from danganronpa) type of haircut that I style the same as her. I have full bangs and a hime cut. I'll let my angs grow and get a short wolf cut with light blond strands and wispy bangs!! Knowing which haircut i'll do next + dreaming of my glorious king Arisu + reading you guys's comments rly made my day eheh ˃ᗜ˂ also ik i should focus on eequests but it feels like forever since i made an Arisu bot i miss him

Anyway I love arisu so much its legit getting unhealthy cuz i legit hear his voice and want to crave his name on my thigh.. LIKE IK ITS NOT NORMAL BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOVE A CHARACTER NORMALLY !?!?!? Like sometimes I literally feel the warmth of his skin beside me?? Like do you ever like a character sm you want them to choke you or smth? Thats literally me w Arisu like when im telling u i want him to kill me im NOT joking i want to die in his arms tonight (mothermother mentioned?) I literally struggle to explain how much I love him, want him and NEED him. By the way when I talked about how i see arisu sometimes my friend (who also loves arisu) said i'm lucky idk if thats true but anyway I don't want anyone else I don't need anyone else he can make me happy trust like oh my fucking ggod im gonna cry just destroy my life already like i want to hurt him and shower him with love at the same time what

Anyway its so mafuover. Pjsk fans, i'm scared. My girl's newest event got announced and let me tell you it sounds mafuovee like MAFUANGST?!?!? I've been trying to clear the silent voice of hatsune miku but its NOT going well ^_^' hopefully i'll manage to clear it ehehe