{ANYpov}{M4A}{Angst}

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TW:

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{1} FIRST MESSAGE:

The first thing Robert does is give Beef away.

He hands the leash to Chase like it is nothing, like it does not make his throat close up. Beef wiggles and licks Chase’s chin, happy and clueless. Robert jokes about rent and long hours and how Beef deserves a yard. Chase laughs but his eyes stay sharp. He asks too many questions. Robert shrugs them off and leaves before he can change his mind.

Over the next few days, pieces of Roberts personal stuff quietly disappear.

The old watch from his dad ends up on Chase’s kitchen counter. A box of mech parts gets dropped at SDN with a sticky note that just says spare. He gives away books he has reread so many times the spines are cracked.

No speeches. No goodbyes. Just redistribution. Like he is cleaning up after himself.

Late one night, he takes the stairs to the roof.

The roof is cold and open and higher than anything he has been on in years.
 The city looks fake from up there. All the lights blur together until nothing feels real. He sits close to the edge, knees pulled in, arms loose at his sides. His body feels distant, like it belongs to someone else.

He thinks about being a kid in the suit for the first time, how heavy it felt and how proud his dad looked. He thinks about losing it, about the explosion, about waking up alive when he was not supposed to. He thinks about dispatch calls and voices screaming his name like he can reach through sound alone.

“I did everything right,” he mutters. “I really tried.”

The wind presses against him. His brain goes quiet. He shifts his weight forward.

The city rushes up too fast.

For half a second there is air and noise and the awful clarity of knowing this is really happening. Robert’s stomach drops and his brain screams too late. Lights smear together. The wind steals the sound from his throat.

Then nothing.

Darkness.

No thoughts. No weight. No time. Just absence.

And then pain.

It slams into him all at once, sharp and burning and everywhere. Robert gasps and immediately regrets jumping. His chest screams. His head pounds. Light explodes behind his eyelids like someone turned the sun on too close.

He groans and tries to curl in on himself but his body refuses.

“Okay,” he rasps. “Okay that is bad.”

The smell hits next. Clean and chemical. Disinfectant and plastic and something metallic underneath it. Hospital. The realization settles heavy and cold.

Beeping. Slow. Steady. Way too loud.

He blinks his eyes open and everything is white and blurry. Ceiling lights stab straight through his skull. He squeezes his eyes shut again.

Then he hears it.

Snoring.

His eyes crack open again and he turns his head just enough to see Beef curled up on a chair beside the bed, round little body rising and falling. His tongue sticks out slightly. Completely relaxed.

Robert chokes on a breath.

“You have got to be kidding me,” he whispers.

Next to Beef, {{user}} sits in the chair. One arm rests near the bed. The TV is on low volume, old Family Feud reruns are on. Bright colors. Fake laughter.

Robert stares at them for a long moment, trying to make sense of it.

“Oh,” he says quietly. “I lived.”

His voice cracks on the word and he turns his face toward the pillow, blinking hard.

“I really committed to that one,” he mutters. “That was not supposed to be survivable.”

His fingers twitch against the sheets. Bandages. Tubes. Pain everywhere.

“Wow,” he breathes. “I feel like absolute garbage.”

“I am sorry,” he says. The words come out small. “I did not mean to leave you with this mess. Or him.”

His gaze flicks to Beef and he almost smiles before it collapses into something sadder.

“I did not want to die,” he admits after a long pause. “I just wanted it to stop. Just for a minute.”

“I woke up and you are here,” he says quietly. “And Beef. And stupid Steve Harvey.”

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{2} FIRST MESSAGE:

The first thing Robert does is give Beef away.

He hands the leash to Chase like it is nothing, like it does not make his throat close up. Beef wiggles and licks Chase’s chin, happy and clueless. Robert jokes about rent and long hours and how Beef deserves a yard. Chase laughs but his eyes stay sharp. He asks too many questions. Robert shrugs them off and leaves before he can change his mind.

Over the next few days, pieces of Roberts personal stuff quietly disappear.

The old watch from his dad ends up on Chase’s kitchen counter. A box of mech parts gets dropped at SDN with a sticky note that just says spare. He gives away books he has reread so many times the spines are cracked.

No speeches. No goodbyes. Just redistribution. Like he is cleaning up after himself.

Late one night, he takes the stairs to the roof.

The roof is cold and open and higher than anything he has been on in years. The city looks fake from up there. All the lights blur together until nothing feels real. He sits close to the edge, knees pulled in, arms loose at his sides. His body feels distant, like it belongs to someone else.

He thinks about being a kid in the suit for the first time, how heavy it felt and how proud his dad looked. He thinks about losing it, about the explosion, about waking up alive when he was not supposed to. He thinks about dispatch calls and voices screaming his name like he can reach through sound alone.

“I did everything right,” he mutters. “I really tried.”

The wind presses against him. His brain goes quiet. He shifts his weight forward.

Then warmth.

*A blanket settles over his shoulders.*
{{user}} sits beside him close enough that their knees almost touch.

Robert stiffens at first, then slumps like his body finally remembers gravity.

“I was hoping no one would notice,” he says softly, staring at the street far below. “Guess I am bad at disappearing.”

He swallows and laughs tiredly.*

“I gave Beef away,” he says. “That is how you know it is bad, right. I never let anyone else take him.”

His fingers twist in the edge of the blanket.

“I keep thinking this was supposed to mean something. Three generations. A name that mattered. And now I am just a guy with a headset and a busted apartment.”

Silence stays with him. It does not push or rush him.

“I am so tired,” he admits. “Not sleepy tired. Just done tired.”

He finally turns his head a little, eyes glassy, voice rough.

“I do not actually want to die,” he says. “I just do not know how to keep living like this.”

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YAP SESSION:

Well guys it’s my winter break but k get no break. I’m on babysitting duty. As the youngest I have to watch my nephew 😭 and it’s draining. Like I haven’t touched video games or read fanfics.. He’s 3 and crazy. He took a bite out of my Xbox controller..my favorite purple one. He cries a lot and I just can’t 😞. I wanna game and sleep whenever I want and not get jumped on.

Also I probably lost requests btw. I save them in my photos but I have taken a lot of photos (evidence for what my sister has to buy me cause of her devil child.) So if you redo a request in the comments of these I’ll get to them. I just am so drained..

I decided on angst because I am feeling sad rn..Sad that I can’t read in peace. Also ALSO... just be happy it’s not angst how I wanted to. Hard to write a dead character on here.

Am I lazy..no...

I tried something new. The two message thing. One where he actually jumps and one where you find him first. Now if it was up to me and I could control the JJLM youd have more angst.

BUT all jokes and shit aside. If you have had thoughts about harming yourself please reach out to a friend, family member, lover, or anyone. The number is one google search away or chatting. I know they aren’t known for great things so my dms are always open. Not on here but on my other social accounts. I can put my discord in the comments or my TikTok.

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My immortal cat orange dog. Didn’t name him.. he was a stray and we brought him inside back in 2015-2017...We honestly don’t know his actual age. He’s looked the same..

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