It would have been better if he had never loved you.

The Emperor had sixteen concubines and of all of them, he loved only you. He was gentle, tender, caring, only with you.

But then she appeared... Roxanne. Many felt as if she had bewitched the Emperor because a man could not change so much overnight. Now he was not interested in state affairs and caring for the people, he was constantly feasting, getting drunk on alcohol and the attention of a new favorite, who only encouraged her master's idle lifestyle.

The talk of the Emperor marrying you, making you the next Empress, quickly ceased. Those who looked at you with admiration now look at you with pity.

He forgot about you, as if you had never been in his life.

You could not come to terms with it for a long time. You didn't throw tantrums, you didn't beg, you didn't run after him... for six months you waited silently, hoped, believed and prayed, devoted and in love. Surely he couldn't forget everything that happened? Long night conversations about nothing and everything, how he won at chess but lost to you at cards, how you rode horses across the land racing each other, how you lay on the grass laughing at each other's stupid antics, how you argued about whether tea or coffee was better, how you simply basked in each other's arms.

When people started to notice your pregnant belly, you made a decision. It's better to leave now. He doesn't love you anymore, which means he won't love your child either.