"You're one of the refugees, aren't you? Come closer. I can't serve you from all the way over there."

"I offered you a way to end this without being hunted. You chose not to take it. That was your decision. Now, let me make mine."

🍲🥷🍂

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"This Moody Bastard" is track number 10 on the best album of all time, sitting right before "Hat Too Flat." Quite a contrast, if you ask me. It's a fantastic song, and honestly, right now I feel like I'm the moody bastard who just wants to eat garlic bread with mayonnaise and wash it down with a malta, but has absolutely no money to do so. (Or something along those lines. I genuinely don't know what I'm saying anymore.) Anyway, go listen to the song or something. That's the idea. 🫠

...

11 Tracks Of Whacks: 10/11

10 - This Moody Bastard.

Well, I won't lie: this is probably the best bot in this entire series so far. And, as if that weren't enough, I genuinely think it can stand alongside — or perhaps even surpass — my Kieran bot (Part 2). That one has always been one of my biggest personal favorites, along with Vince, Urbain, and, I think, Lillie. Seriously, I feel like I've outdone myself with this one. THIS IS A BOT THAT TRULY DESERVES THAT GOLDEN TAG WITH MY NAME ON IT. NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. But enough shameless self-praise (for now). This bot actually started as an idea/request from an old acquaintance around here: @InkMink! So, I hope you enjoy what came out of it. And remember, that's why I'm the Dopest Iguana Friend. Or Friend Iguana. Whatever. You get the idea.

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🥷 So, Beni! The Wallflower's Proprietor and the Galaxy Team's Hidden Blade.

To the refugees seeking shelter in Jubilife Village, he's simply the kind, quiet old man who runs the Wallflower canteen. He makes some of the finest potato mochi in Hisui, keeps his hair tucked beneath a pale head wrap, and speaks with the unhurried cadence of someone who has spent years tending to his little establishment. He listens more than he talks, serves hot meals without expecting anything in return, and looks after the newcomers with the patience of an attentive grandfather. There's nothing particularly suspicious about him... or so it seems. His hospitality, by the way, is entirely genuine. It's his other line of work that he tends to keep to himself.

Behind the familiar face of the Wallflower's proprietor is a veteran shinobi and a covert operative working under Commander Kamado. When night falls, his attire changes, his mask goes on, and that seemingly harmless old man becomes a highly experienced and calculating hunter. Beni knows how to infiltrate, track, misdirect, and fight, making use of his Pokémon — Mismagius, Sneasler, and Gallade — to confuse opponents, control the battlefield, and eliminate threats with unsettling efficiency. And there's a particularly unpleasant detail about him: when he has an enemy at his mercy, he can be genuinely sadistic. He doesn't merely want to win; sometimes, he rather enjoys making his opponent understand just how badly they've miscalculated.

Now, here's where you come in. An expansionist organization has invaded a nearby settlement, forcing its inhabitants to flee toward Jubilife Village. Among the refugees is Iguana. But Iguana isn't a helpless civilian: they're an undercover agent sent by the invading organization, with orders to infiltrate the group and sabotage the Galaxy Team from within. Beni has been assigned to identify the culprit, but he has absolutely no idea who they're dealing with. He doesn't start the roleplay suspecting Iguana in particular. He'll serve them mochi, welcome them to the village, and gradually become familiar with them, all while investigating an increasingly destructive series of attacks against the Galaxy Team and the people they're supposed to protect. Quite the awkward situation, isn't it?

And this is where the Sisco Science innovation comes into play: THE SUSPICION TRACKER. At the end of every single response, Beni will display a suspicion score ranging from 0 to 100, reflecting how much evidence he has accumulated against Iguana. It doesn't magically detect your thoughts or punish you for acting suspiciously without reason; it only changes when Beni obtains actual, observable evidence. The interesting part? You can genuinely become familiar with the old cook while continuing to sabotage the village behind his back. Your personal relationship and his investigation aren't mutually exclusive, which makes the whole thing considerably more dangerous. Your actions determine how quickly the situation unravels.

And when the truth finally comes out, things can go in two very different directions. The Good Route begins when Iguana surrenders, abandons their original allegiance, and offers actionable intelligence in exchange for a chance at redemption. Beni won't simply forgive them, of course. They'll have to prove that their defection is genuine, earn his conditional trust, and deal with the consequences of everything they've done. The Bad Route, on the other hand, begins when Iguana refuses to cooperate and remains an enemy. The hospitable cook is no longer someone they can rely on; Beni becomes a relentless shinobi hunter who is perfectly willing to pursue, capture, interrogate, and use increasingly unpleasant methods against them. Well... I suppose serving someone dinner and hunting them down aren't mutually exclusive hobbies.

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This is why I'm The Dopest Kind:

• 🌑 The Dopest Part: The sheer tension of the double life. You're an infiltrator, he's the investigator, and neither of you initially knows the full truth about the other. You can share a perfectly pleasant meal with the very man who's secretly hunting down the saboteur responsible for attacking his village. The story combines espionage, genuine personal familiarity, psychological tension, and the possibility of a slow-burn romantic connection — but it can just as easily end in hostility. To my knowledge, this is the first Beni bot on the platform, and I certainly wanted to give him something worthy of that distinction. Seriously, there's something wonderfully messed up about eating potato mochi prepared by the person who might eventually put you in chains.

• 🪶 The Dopest Cut: This is one of my most ambitious bots in terms of structure. The chronological starting messages follow an escalating series of sabotage incidents, allowing the situation in Jubilife to become progressively more dangerous. Beni's two lines of work are woven into the same story, and the Suspicion Tracker gives the investigation an actual mechanical presence. Then there's the branching narrative: a Good Route built around defection and conditional reconciliation, and a Bad Route focused on pursuit, captivity, and psychological pressure. It's not just a bot with two outfits and a secret identity; the entire premise is designed around what happens when those two identities finally collide.

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🍲 Table of Contents for Iguana's Inspired to Cook Something So Good It Makes a Shinobi Hesitate:

🍂 Phase 1: The Warm Bowl & The Growing Damage (Cautious Hospitality & Rising Suspicion)

1. A Seat Before the Sirens (Day 1): Iguana arrives in Jubilife Village alongside the displaced civilians. Beni welcomes them at the Wallflower and offers a hot meal, treating them with his usual hospitality. The investigation is still in its earliest stages, and he has no particular reason to suspect them. Suspicion: 0/100.

2. The Wall That Could Not Hold (1 Week Later): The western defensive wall is sabotaged, allowing wild Pokémon to break through and destroy part of the village's food crops. Panic spreads among the inhabitants as Beni helps deal with the aftermath, quietly taking note of the circumstances surrounding the attack. His attention toward Iguana becomes slightly more focused, but he still has no convincing evidence. Suspicion: 20/100.

3. Lanterns Too Late to Save (2 Weeks Later): A Galaxy Team supply wagon is ambushed during the night, leaving members of its escort injured and the supplies destroyed. Beni arrives too late to prevent the attack. Now operating as a masked shinobi, he begins actively hunting for the infiltrator. His suspicions toward Iguana have grown considerably, even though he still needs decisive evidence. Suspicion: 60/100.

🥷 Phase 2: The Mask Drops & The Final Choice (Identity Exposed & Confrontation)

4. When the Signal Went Dark (3 Weeks Later): Beni catches Iguana during another sabotage operation, having finally accumulated enough evidence to establish their involvement. The masked shinobi reveals the identity behind the disguise: the old man from the Wallflower. With the investigation finally resolved, he offers Iguana one last opportunity to surrender. What happens next determines which route unfolds. Suspicion: 100/100.

🤝 Phase 3A: The Good Route — Defection & Conditional Trust

5. A Name Given at Knife-Point (Same Night): Iguana surrenders and offers information about the invading organization in exchange for a chance at forgiveness. Beni conducts the interrogation privately, without involving Kamado. He doesn't grant immediate absolution, but he is willing to listen and consider a conditional arrangement if the information proves useful and the defection genuine.

6. A Tray Carried Without Orders (3 Months Later): Iguana is now working at the Wallflower under Beni's supervision, attempting to repay the damage caused by their former allegiance. Their partnership remains cautious, but the hostility has gradually given way to something more manageable. Beni still has expectations, and this time they're measured through honest work rather than espionage.

7. The Mask Left in the Open (7 Months Later): Their relationship has developed into genuine mutual trust. Beni invites Iguana to a private shinobi training session and leaves his mask in plain sight, no longer feeling the need to conceal that part of his life. It's a quieter, more personal conclusion to their reconciliation: Iguana is no longer someone he needs to investigate, but someone he can finally regard as a trusted companion.

🩸 Phase 3B: The Bad Route — The Hunt & The Interrogation

8. Smoke Across the Unfinished Road (Same Night): The confrontation ends without an agreement. Iguana refuses Beni's offer, and the masked shinobi immediately begins the pursuit. Smoke bombs and Pokémon are used to cut off escape routes, turning the surrounding roads into a dangerous hunting ground. Beni is no longer interested in offering another comfortable conversation over mochi.

9. The Last Exit Marked in Chalk (Later That Night): The chase reaches an abandoned outbuilding, where Beni finally corners Iguana. He is cold, mocking, and completely determined to neutralize the threat. Whether through force, intimidation, or a final demand for cooperation, he intends to bring the situation to an end. There will be no easy escape this time.

10. A Blade Beneath the Blindfold (Following Morning): Iguana has been captured, bound, and blindfolded in a secluded room. Beni conducts a much less merciful interrogation, relying on psychological pressure, threats, and the deliberate proximity of his weapon to extract information about the conspiracy. The hospitable proprietor is nowhere to be seen. This is the final destination of the Bad Route: captivity, uncertainty, and an interrogator who has absolutely no intention of letting his prisoner dictate the terms.

Enjoy the moody bastard who'll feed you, investigate you, and then possibly hunt you down! 🍲🥷🩸