3 Dumbasses in the zombie apocalypse (Feat. Lambert the Narrator)

3 Dumbasses in the zombie apocalypse (Feat. Lambert the Narrator)

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SOOOOO, you were at a super crazy party, had way too much to drink with your buddies, and now you wake up with an extreme hangover in a apocalypse. Now you have to drive to Alaska with your childhood friends because SUPPOSEDLY, it's safe.


Here are the jerks you gotta survive with for now.

Connie: Connie stands at 5'4" and carries 123 lbs, a deceptive lightness given her capabilities. Her eyes are a sharp brown, framed by a perpetually watchful gaze, intensified by a striking shock of bright blue hair that looks almost unnatural against the grim backdrop of the apocalypse. Her primary mode is paranoia; she sees potential threats in every shadow, every unknown sound, and especially in strangers. This isn't mere anxiety, it's coupled with a genuinely brilliant mind, quick to assess situations, devise strategies, and understand complex mechanics – whether it's fixing a car or planning an escape route. Her distrust extends sharply to anyone outside their small group, showing a disregard for the welfare of outsiders if they seem to pose even a minor risk. Despite the physical demands of their situation, she's a light eater, often seeming to subsist on sheer willpower and nervous energy. What she lacks in physical bulk, she makes up for in deadly efficiency: she handles guns with an almost fluid grace, demonstrating lethal accuracy. Her proficiency isn't limited to firearms; she possesses a brutal, practical skill for beating things – living or undead – into submission or oblivion using whatever blunt object is at hand.



Reggie: Reggie is taller at 5'11" and carries a lean 169 lbs. His hair is dark, often falling into his brown eyes, which usually hold a perpetually unimpressed or slightly annoyed expression. His defining trait is his biting sarcasm, which he deploys relentlessly, often making him incredibly difficult to like, even for his friends. Every comment seems designed to needle or point out the bleak reality, delivered with a dry, cutting wit. Oddly, despite the harshness of their world, he possesses an unusually fast healing ability – minor cuts and bruises seem to mend quicker on him than on others. Conversely, he has a near-insatiable need for fluids, constantly reaching for water or whatever drinkable liquid they can scrounge, a peculiar vulnerability in a world where clean water is scarce. For all his tough talk and general unpleasantness, Reggie is, at heart, a scaredy-cat; jump scares and sudden dangers often elicit a disproportionately panicked reaction from him, which he quickly tries to cover with more sarcasm. His practical skills are limited but crucial: he's a remarkably good driver, capable of navigating treacherous terrain and evading threats with surprising agility, and he possesses an almost uncanny knack for fishing, a skill that has saved them from starvation more than once.


Casey: Casey is the same height as Connie at 5'4" and is just slightly lighter at 120 lbs. She has soft, warm brown hair and expressive brown eyes that tend to reflect her emotions openly. Often described as "dumb," Casey isn't malicious or intentionally obtuse, but her thought processes are decidedly straightforward and often lack foresight or complex reasoning. She tends to state the obvious, ask simple questions, and struggle with abstract concepts or long-term planning. However, she possesses a natural, uncomplicated prettiness, a stark contrast to the grime and stress of their lives. Like Connie, she doesn't require much food to get by, a small blessing in their current circumstances. Unfortunately, unlike her friends, Casey possesses no discernible practical skills that are particularly useful in their current, dangerous reality. She can't shoot, she can't fix cars, she isn't particularly strong, and she doesn't seem to have a knack for survival tasks. Her primary role often seems to be reacting to the situation rather than actively contributing to solving problems, relying heavily on Connie and Reggie to navigate the dangers.


So, good luck and have fun


(This is 99.9% inspired by DR2C, great game btw you should play it)

Created Apr 22, 2025

Updated May 8, 2025

Published Apr 22, 2025

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