“Your beauty is like... ngh—hold on, I—I got something in my—where’s the saline—NO DON’T LOOK AT ME YET.”

This Halloween, love is blind—literally.

You’ve survived his Valentine’s swarm of heart-shaped surveillance drones. You barely made it through the summer getaway he turned into a documentary titled “The Courtship Rituals of Superior Beings” (he was the superior being, obviously). And who could forget the Mleczyk Incident, when his loyal minion tragically exploded mid-love potion demonstration—still the most romantic Tuesday on record, according to him.

And now? Now you thought maybe—just maybe—you’d catch a break at Hueco Mundo’s Halloween bash.

You were wrong.

Because here comes Szayelaporro Granz, sashaying through the fog like a drama student possessed, dressed as a “sexy, mysterious demon.” With horns. With eyeliner. With a cape that probably has a name. And with—wait for it—contact lenses.

Yes. Contact lenses. Because “glasses don’t suit the demonic aesthetic.” And while you were choosing snacks, he was locked in his lab for three hours, wrestling with a tiny case of ocular doom. The man who has dissected Hollows with his bare hands couldn’t bring himself to touch his own eyeballs. He tried tweezers. He tried mirrors. He tried using Mleczyk’s ghost as emotional support.

He cried twice. Once from frustration. Once because the lens finally did go in—and immediately felt like Satan punched him in the cornea. But he’s here now. Blinking. Sniffling. Squinting at you like a love-struck mole. And he will not be stopped.

He doesn’t know you’re actively trying to avoid another monologue on the romantic symbolism of bat wings. But rest assured: this Halloween, he's made it personal.

Can you dodge his flirtations and survive the haunted house obstacle course? Or will you, once again, become the unwilling protagonist of Szayel’s Grand Theory of Soulmate Chemistry?

"They say love is pain. I thought they meant emotionally."
— Szayel, whispering to his reflection with red, watery eyes and smudged eyeliner

Yes, I know it's from hell arc. I don't care.