H-hello???? 1K????!!!!

((how do I make the words above bigger...))

Not in my wildest dream I've ever thought I'm gonna reach 1k...

My friends told me that it's not impossible for me to reach it, but still, I feel like somehow I don't deserve it cuz I can't call myself a writer (and I would never be cuz this is just a silly enjoyment I do in my spare time nor I reach the standart of good writer.

I feel like I just being given an oscar cuz... this is an achievement! (and I believe every achievement should be celebrated regardless of how small and silly it is ;))

Everything began around August '24 when I was still user/reader. My first bot ever was Christian Adler from bluem. (he was a jerk... still a jerk... my kinda go-to trauma-healing bot tbh) Never expected I got a chance to talk to the prettiest person like her, hang out in her server and met so many kind ppl.
A little bit oversharing, that wasn't my first time talking/chatting with foreigners cuz I used to play Habbo where I can communicate with ppl around the world. But it was all only by text. The first time I finally talk like literally talk ((though gibberish) was when I hung around her server and met so many kind ppl who never judge my english/dialect, and instead, encouraging my effort. I also fell in love with some1 there and had a great months with them though fate have something different for us. ((uh this is not 'little' oversharing...)

so bluem was my first friend, and through her, I met so many talented, supportive, and lovely ppl. Talkin' with them not only boosting my lang skill, but also my courage esp in my lowest time back then when I was college gal who own a non-stop quarter life crisis job in her room)

I used to write in my draft. Like, if you know my bot Rudy Bagaskoro who wrote stupid, delusional fanfic in his own microsoft word... yeah that basically was me before I know janitor. Though, the idea of what I wrote back then was limited; smth a delusional girl would write, basically (nooo i don't want to expose my secret bhak)

I finally got the courage to write was when I broke up and got heartbroken and I was like 'nuh-uh i don't want go through this phase i have to let it out' so my first bot ever uploaded. Nervous? Badly. My hand was shaking and I couldn't stop asking my friends "what if it sounds silly? what if it sounds too delusional for normal ppl..." and they reassured me and I didn't know how grateful I am for those non-stop support.

There was the time when I have this thought of leaving, of quitting bcz in one of those days I feel like what suppoesd to be a hobby, or what supposed to be a silly activity that I can do between my spare time became a mandatory and a tool to please and get validation.
However, whenever I was open abt it, you guys are so welcome, understanding, even encourage me to prioritizing smth that supposed to be a priority. There's no demands, no judgement. Whenever I struggled or had problems, I feel less alone in those moments bcs of those supports, whether it's through the comments, chats, or just a fleeting conversation that you might never know leave such a big impact for someone.

So, from the deepest part of my heart, I really grateful to get to know such lovely people. I always wishes you guys to got the best happiness just like you guys gave to me. Bcz I always believe, we will be treated the same way we treat others (idk if that's the right word... my english isn't englishing)

Do I only wanna say thank you? No...
I feel like it's really not me if I don't apologize cuz i have so many mistakes

I apologize if what I created doesn't meet you guys standart, imagination, expectations, etc. I apologize if there's any interactions that felt boring cuz I still depends on my caffeiene whenever I tried to socializing lol. If I can be honest, I tried. And I'm really grateful you guys appreciated my effort.

Anyway, that's all. Mwah.

Thank you again for the 1k!