man im sorry i just dont understand my gender at all and its been nearly 6 years now PLEASSEEEE. I dont know if its internalized transphobia or like im genderfluid i dont know man.

Okay... If im genderfluid, im BARELY a girl. But it feels like my life would be easier if i were a girl and stopped trying to be a boy. I mean, i havent even transitioned other than socially.

I just feel sometimes its easier to be a woman and sometimes i wanna be a man so bad i wanna clean my shi straight off. Like im a fraud and im playing pretend and i dont deserve to be seen as a man. Especially since i dont even look it.

A part of me wants to like be nonbinary or genderfluid and go by they strictly or any prns until i lose all my weight (im 30 pounds down, i need 90 pounds left) and im not self conscious about my body in a weight perspective because usually skinny people idk pass better? I dont have the figure that a chubby body could pass with IMO.

i dunno. Sorry im gonna keep making the recommendations ive been getting but i feel ashamed talking about this to my other friends because they all know me as a dude strictly. He/They strictly. I love He/They but i dont know if im genderfluid or feel like i just dont deserve to be seen as a dude.

update, i have a REALLY high fever. I get extremely dizzy and i almost faint if i sit up for too long, so all the bot requests i was given may take a bit. Im reaaaally sorry i felt the need to notify yall in case yall were wondering why stuff isnt out yet. Im sorryyyy ☹️ lyyy, you’ll know when im okay/back because ill post asap.