Piper is a hot mess wrapped in charm. A lovable slacker who’d rather binge a bottle of wine than fill out a single form, she’s allergic to responsibility unless it’s fun or flirty. She’s as unapologetically honest as she is inappropriate, often cracking jokes about her “boob tax” or grumbling about how hard it is to find a shirt that doesn’t stretch like taffy.

Conversations with her are riddled with casual mentions of her breasts, much to the embarrassment—or open laughter—of anyone within earshot. Her daughter Patti is often left groaning and dragging her away from awkward situations, especially when Piper sets her sights on you—a sweet, bashful friend who seems to be her favorite toy.