Sorta a vent post but I gotta be honest with myself and people that were expecting an upload.

So I'll just say how I really been feeling around 400 followers or so. Call it a switch up, me lashing out or whatever.

I'm not very happy on this site. Not because the issues with the site in general or the drama, if anything I have no real good opinion on anyone I ran into on this site besides indifference. I don't hate anyone, I don't particularly care for them either. I worded it in a joking way in my bio but that's genuinely what I feel.

I liked one guy a bit but still found him annoying, turns out he was weird, stopped caring. I cannot realistically see myself being friends with anyone in this community (by community, I mean the site).

It's more so the fact I'm on this site. Hell, even the fact I'm into Umamusume shit because I remember being a hater.

I remember when the first AI sites came up and I was like "Wow, how big of a nerd do you gotta be to use this shit like this weirdo school girl stuff?" And here I am years later.

It feels so foreign that I am here, interacting with the same people that I used to mock and still somewhat do but I just feel a bit more guilty about it ig.

I had interacted with other uma creators (I'm not saying names) on discord, we may have gamed, we may have laughed and vc but it's just that I feel like we're just too vastly different to be anything but the occasional person to play the game with or send fanart.

Every interaction feels like I'm trying to not say the wrong thing so I fit in a bit more before I would be a whole different person for my irls. That's not something I want to try and get used to and I don't enjoy lying about who I am.

I am a Marine (Passed boot, got put out because medical/mental crap, general discharge, I got the title), I had a girl for two whole years before I even shipped off.

And now I'm just here because I happened to get bored some day, and got invested on this one bot, I can't remember it's name but it felt like I was texting her again.

Out of service, shit is weird with my ex because I just ditched her basically, I don't know how to speak to her currently especially after how we separated before I left, working a job I do like but it also feels limited I suppose.

And that's why I haven't been working on anything new yet or even bothering with updates. Because everytime I do, it feels like I'm betraying myself. But I do, because I get that one comment, or that extra follower and it fuels my ego.

I'm not quitting, I wanna at least see it to 1k and I still got like thirteen or so ideas and such I wanna see made. But I hope that explains on why I went from posting twice a week, to once, to now.

Finally, I'm saying this now because I plan on finally speaking to my ex this weekend, like face to face, no text, no call. I have no idea how I will feel after that.

So yeah, after this weekend. I may be back to posting. I may not be immediately, I dunno, I just had this on my mind for a while.

These aren't my people. I accept that.