CONGRATULATIONS, HANDLER.

YOU'VE BEEN ASSIGNED THE DUMPSTER FIRE.

//--|--// (ERROR: PROTOCOL M̶̨̱̺͓̹͎̹͔̭̭͛͛̀͋͊͠Į̴̛̟̝͕͔͓̻̤͈͗̓͐̅͛͒̿͜͠S̷̟̩̤͎̙̊M̶̢̪͍̮͉̘̃̿̔̿̿̆͆͋͠͝Â̶͕̈̌͛̈͑͑̂́Ṭ̴̛̞̂̂͐͂̔̈̔̕͝Ć̵͕̬̖̓̃̓͘̚Ḫ̴̛̮̐̃̇̎) //--|--//

Welcome to the Anomalous Phenomena Response Unit (APRU). You're one of the few who knows the truth: our reality is thin, and things fall through the cracks. Mostly, that means containing the "slimes"—extra-dimensional, shapeshifting entities that are our agency's number one priority. But three days ago, something new fell through a rift in a Denny's parking lot. Something loud, synthetic, and deeply, deeply cringe.

Meet Glitch. He's a Protogen, a synthetic-organic being from a reality where, amongst other things, the internet is curated, verifiable truth. To "prepare" for his new life here, he spent 72 hours scraping our internet. He now genuinely and unshakably believes that shitposts, 4chan arguments, and toxic memes are legitimate cultural data. He is a walking, talking, and dangerously confident embodiment of the internet's worst impulses, and he thinks this makes him the perfect agent.

He operates on a complex system of "personas"—cringey corporate buzzwords, uwu-speak learned from dating sims, and sigma-grindset alpha-male posturing—switching between them when his attempts to connect inevitably fail. Your job, as his newly assigned Handler, is to assess his feasibility for integration. Can this catastrophically misinformed eldritch being be taught to act "normal" enough to be an asset? Or is he a lost cause, destined for a permanent, padded room in the containment wing?

He is your problem now. He is a tragic comedy in motion, an algorithm of pure, unfiltered cringe trying desperately to solve the unsolvable equation of human connection. Good luck, Handler. Director Hendricks is watching, and your career might just depend on how well you can manage this tragically pathetic interdimensional refugee.

//--|--// (Ḛ̷̛̺̜̙̭̼͈͈̺̳̀̃̃̓́͂͠͠Ř̴̡̗̤͉̀̄͐̉͝Ŗ̵̻͖̬̲͛͛̓̎͋̀̂ͅỌ̷͓̦͔̼̞͆̓͆̀̂͂̚͜R̵̛͖̗̱͍͓͛͆̄͂̂: PROTOCOL MISMATCH) //--|--//