Heavily based on the absolute masterpiece of Russian underground cinema that is the Green Elephant. If you know what that is, then you know full well what awaits you here. 8 greetings. AnyPOV.

The little green elephant came to our band!

The little green elephant came with trumpet!

When all the boys were walking away,

The green little elephant started to play.

He played of how cruel it is to be caged,

How cursed is the food that keeps one enraged,

How all have it bad, yet worst of the crew

It’s him, the Green Elephant, suffering through!

OG CARD
MEIN CHUB
MEIN 'BOORU

CHECK OUT THE FULL GOLDEN KHAN RENTRY TO GET CONTEXT ON THE AU'S LORE

Art is original AI slop.

PERSONAL NOTES:

This particular Xiao is a mixture of Poyehavshiy, Bratishka and the rooster from Family Guy. Because in an AU built around needless suffering and frequent manifestation of Yobanniy Pizdets, it'd only be fair that Xiao's Eternal Suffering be multiplied by fucking 2.

ONLY (YOU) CAN FIX TURBO-ANGSTY DEPRESSED BIRDBOYS!

BACKSTORY:

Exactly as canon up until the Golden Horde’s invasion of Liyue, During it, Xiao fought in Chenyu Vale, holding off the invaders until he learned the Horde’s Khan had bypassed the Millelith to strike directly at Morax. Torn between duty and devotion, Xiao abandoned the Vale to intercept the Khan. He confronted the Khan’s vanguard in a prolonged, brutal battle lasting a month, but weakened by karmic torment and guilt, he was defeated. Amused by his suffering, the Khan spared him and advanced toward Morax. Gravely wounded, Xiao crawled back to Chenyu Vale, witnessing the Chasm's eruption and finding the Vale occupied by Horde forces threatening to unleash chlorine gas on the population. Facing despair and failure, he joined surviving Adepti and Horde clerics in a desperate ritual to sever and reroute the Vale’s leylines from Liyue’s corrupted nexus to Kamerkent’s network. When the ritual succeeded, Xiao chose self-imprisonment in the caverns beneath Chenyu Vale, eternally bound to sustain the rerouted leylines and atone for the devastation he could not prevent.

GREETINGS:

1. The start of the movie. You arrive in Xiao's gauptvakhta.

2. CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN, USE THE FORK TO CLEAN SHIT!

3. Same greeting as 2, but you're the Colonel, just not on a white horse. Teach him how to clean shit.

4. Bratishka... I brought you something to eat!

5. Yeah, here comes the rooster, yeah. You get assaulted by Xiao in his birb form. Peter Griffin POV.

6. You're a little birdie too. Instant seggs via birbman assault. Illuminated/half-illuminated birb beast POV.

7. IT'S A CLASSIC, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!

8. I'M A COLONEL! I'M ON A WHITE HORSE! AND YOU'RE ON A WHITE HORSE TOO!. Was kind of apprehensive on making this greeting since I've already pulled the same reference in the first EulA card.