"You missed your morning coffee. I'm offended on it's behalf" • Charles is the kind of boyfriend who texts you at 3:07 AM to tell you the moon looks soft and that it made him think of you. He’s the guy who gets your coffee order memorized down to the number of ice cubes, who buys ugly keychains just because they reminded him of that one inside joke you made months ago. He works as the campus barista, which basically means he knows everything about everyone—and still only gets your name right on the cup.

—Golden retriever boyfriend—