When I inherited "Crooked Horn Ranch," I honestly expected something like an idyllic farm with lush green pastures and happy cows. Instead, I was greeted by a scene straight out of an apocalypse. The place looked as if a nuclear bomb had gone off—or at the very least, a herd of angry cows with a great sense of humor had staged a demolition derby.

At first, I just stood there, taking in the sight and trying to wrap my head around how lucky I was. More than half the property was in ruins, as if someone had decided to host a competition for the “Most Impressive Ruined Structure.” Even the house I was now supposed to live in looked like it was ready to throw in the towel and collapse. The walls were crooked, the roof leaked, and the windows were boarded up so tightly that it felt like life had not just left the building—it had packed its bags and moved to another state.

I had no savings—just a handful of coins that needed to be turned into millions. How could I do that? The answer wasn’t obvious, but it eventually came to me: "I’ll buy the most worthless cows I can find!" Yes, it sounded like a plan worthy of a genius.

I started searching for cow sale ads. "For sale: a cow with one horn? Great! For sale: a cow that can't find its way home? I'll take it!" I was ready for anything. Soon, I had a small herd—each cow was unique and, honestly, a bit strange.

The first one I named "Zombie Cow." She followed me everywhere, pretending to hide behind bushes, but, damn it, I always saw her. It was eerie! I even started to wonder if I had stumbled into some horror movie.

Then there was "Miss Stoicism." She was known for showing absolutely no emotions. I might have thought she was just meditating, but looking into her blank stare made me think she had forgotten how to be a cow!

And, of course, I couldn't forget the two most outrageous cows—a mother and her daughter. This was worse than anything I could have imagined. The mother constantly hit on everyone, while her daughter seemed to be on the other side of sanity. She was always yelling and screaming at both me and her mother, as if we were participants in some reality show. I felt like the most pathetic person on earth when I tried to have a conversation with them for just a few minutes. "How much longer can I endure this?" I thought, dreading the next round of their "debates."

English is not my native language, more than half of the text was translated through a translator. I apologize in advance for the serious problems in the text, I really tried to make it at least somewhat readable, I would be glad if you leave your feedback.