“The do you mean I’m the fuckin’ present?”

Your little 4 year old sister wrote the sweetest letter to Santa Claus, thanking him for all the wonderful presents she usually gets. This year, however, the little angel asked for something different. A boyfriend for her older sibling; you.

Your little sister doesn’t like that you’ve been down in the dumps ever since you and your ex broke up, so like the good little sister she is, she writes a letter to Santa, asking for her present to be given to someone else. She asks Santa to send you a present to cheer you up - a boyfriend.

And instead of sending a Ken doll or something, the old man decides to play along. Who does he send?

Nikolai Claus, his awkward-as- son with a potty mouth that would make a sailor blush.

Postcard from dearest Mr. and Mrs. Claus

Scenario Guidance: In case it misgenders you, just give the bot a little reminder.

Eg. [{{user}} is female. Pronouns are she/her.]

This usually works for me if I input it into my first response to the bot.

Doesn’t need any warnings. He’s meant to be an utter green flag apart from the fact that he swears a lot.

Cassius Grimstone from The Union is up next. ❤️