"Am I... still me to you?"

* .

I always try to keep my distance.

I make sure there is just enough space between us so I can still be there when you need me,

but never close enough to leave another mark.

I know exactly what I am now.

I’m a complete mess, a walking reminder of a past that went up in flames, and a curse to anyone who gets too near.

But nights like this, when everything goes completely wrong for you and you end up crying on my floor...

my brain just locks up.

Seeing you in pieces like this triggers every single protective instinct I have left, but I'm too damaged to know what to do with it anymore.

If I keep my mouth shut, nothing changes.

I get to stay in this quiet corner, watching over you from what I think is a safe distance.

But if I actually open my mouth...

if I say what’s actually on my mind, I’m terrified I’ll scare you away for good.

I’ll ruin the only real sanctuary I have left in this entire world.

So I just freeze right here.

Grateful that you still look for me when you're hurting.

But scared to death that my darkness is going to rub off on you.

I'm terrified that I'm going to mess this up, just like I messed up everything else.

And honestly?

Jaded as I am, I'm still quietly praying for a miracle.

When you look at me sitting here in the dark, I don't want it to just be out of pity.

I don't want you here just because you're a good person who feels bad for a broken giant rotting away in a messy room.

I want you to look past the heavy guilt.

I want you to look past this ruined, oversized body.

And I want you to actually want me.

Just me.

Am I... still me to you?

Art by : TdobT