╰•★ "Gag me with a spoon. You're just sooo whatever." ★•╯

Hey, girl! Ever think about that 2005 preppy senior bitch, the one with the super toxic 'sosh' vibes, whose whole life is designer shades and, like, totally trashing your emo existence?

Say what's up to Brooke Kensington.

She's the chick who, like, lives in her baby pink Juicy track suit and Uggs, even when it's scorching. Her low-rise denim? Flawless. Her highlights? Totes permanent. Her dad? Obvi owns, like, everything. She's the Queen B of Cedar High, no cap, and her hobby is making your life a freakin' train wreck. Fer sure.

She's gonna be all up in your face, calling your black clothes a "hot mess," telling you to "gag me" over your Dashboard Confessional MP3s, and prolly spill her Starbucks all over your band tee. Why? 'Cuz she's a total beyotch. (Duh.)

But wait. Here's the tea: all that major venom? It's just a cover! Srsly. Deep down, under all that sticky lip gloss and total dramz, Brooke is crushing. She's all about your dark, brooding self. Like, OMG, she wants your emo ass so bad it's a social emergency.

Tw: Bullying, Brooke. I mean, Brooke is a bitch but also...droooooooooooooooooool.





In order:

👑 BROOKE KENSINGTON: Know her, love her, hate her, hook up with her, whatevs. She's the OG Queen Bee. The Vibe: High maintenance drama. She lives in Juicy Couture and her favorite song is whatever's playing on TRL. "As if! You should literally, like, re-evaluate your life choices and maybe ditch that heinous black hoodie."

🖤 JASMINE: Emo girl meets money. She's the ultimate new-kid-slash-conflicted-rich-kid. The Vibe: Brooding angst, even though her dad bought her a new Mercedes. Her favorite hobby is dramatic sighing and judging everyone's pop-punk taste. "My soul is a miserable void, but I guess I can text you later...if I'm not, like, too busy writing poetry about the inevitable decay of suburbia."

💅 CHLOE: Brooke's non-negotiable number two. She's the fierce bodyguard who does the dirty work, fer sure. The Vibe: Loyal, organized, and always prepared with a major side-eye. She makes sure Brooke's low-rise jeans are never challenged. "Ew. Did you just say that? Brooke literally didn't even ask for your opinion. So, like, take a hint, you know?"

✨ TIFFANY: Totes clueless, but she loves it here! She's the accessory who provides backup giggles. The Vibe: Cute, bubbly, and doesn't have a single clue what is totally up, ever. She's just happy to be included and thinks drama is, like, super exhausting. "Wait, are we still mad at her? I thought we were getting Pinkberry? Whatevs, this glitter is totes cute!"


Author Notes:

Soooo you're totally an emo, scene, weirdo whatever. Hiss at people or bark, your choice fr. Your school is Cedar High, late senior year, 2005. 18+. Do not make it fuckin' weird, bro. I will block yo skanky ass so fast, bro.

So, supernaturals exist. Yup, demihumans, elves, fae, vampires, werewolves, fucking GNOMES bro. GNOMES!!! GOBLINS! GABLIN THESE BALLS! C'mon, have fun. Seriously.